Questions and Problems
by shmoo
Summary: Koushiro-a smart kid with many problems, being asked questions is one of them.  Find out how his life unfolds as he's sent away to a different school where he meets Taichi. But what will happen when Tai questions his problems? -discontinued-
1. ChoZenWun

_**Author Note:** This fic is set in an AU, theres no digimon, never has been (only my inventive and quirky things I'll be throwing in the fic from time to time). Hi Taishirou fans *waves*. I'd just like to say that this is my first ever fic I've written. The first chapter kind of sucks, i tried to make it a bit more interesting but I don't know. Just to clarify, this fic will be a Taichi and Koushirou *nom nom* fic and they will get together and "make love" at some (at many) point(s) in the story. I'd just like to say to you readers that it's going to take a good few chapters (you cant rush true love) to get them together and of course you will be put through as much angst as I can throw at you. If I can and have the support to, I'll make the fic really long with sequels and what-not. I mean, I just love it when I get to read through a massive fic - makes it feel worthwhile in the end. I really would appreciate feedback from you readers (through a review or otherwise) and of course feel free to fave the story so you can get insta-emailed when I update (Not sure how frequent that will be for the next little while as I have final exams coming up in the not-so-far future*yawns*). Another note about this first chapter - It feels (to me) kind of rushed in a sense, it will get more in detail (much, much more descriptive) as the story progresses.  
_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Digimon or any aspect of the Digimon world or franchise and earn no profit from writing this yummy(It will be yummy, I promise) Taishirou Fan Fiction.

**Warnings:** lol, warnings - Apparently I have to warn you about the yaoi that is soon to be between Izzy and Tai. It is male/male sex, boy love, don't know whatever else you could call it. There's strong language of course and angst (my favourite :D!). So I think I 'warned' you about everything thats in the fic or will be in the fic *gets lost in thought*. Maybe adult themes? Anyway you are warned, no excuses!

"Speech"

_'Thoughts'_

_**'Italic thoughts'**_

* * *

**Questions and Problems**

by ~Shmoo~

**Chapter 1; Cho-Zen-Wun**

_'I can't believe I'm actually writing in this! This is **worse** than people asking questions!_'

You're probably wondering why I'm in this dazed stupor, yeah? Well it all began when I had to choose between my social life (don't even go there) and my education. Not that I had much choice, it was more of a "do as you're told" moment, but it helps to keep me sane to think that I had a choice.

I know what you're thinking, right? Why would someone like me, sorry, why would a _geek_ like me even think about throwing away my years of labour and determination all for the sake of some "_friends"_?

Friends, hah! Friends aren't going to help me earn my fortune, are they? Friends aren't going to bring my parents back, are they? (I'm adopted before you ask, and don't even bother going on your sympathy rant. Just _don't_!). Friends aren't going to make me want k-... You know what, never mind. I'm never going to have any "friends". Not today, not tomorrow. I don't care what they said today, I am in no way, shape or form a "friend" of _those_.

Anyway, I digress.

So the big monumental choice I had to obey- I mean, make over my future... I'll explain this simply, with as few expletives as possible (trust me, it's _that_ bad). The principle teacher of my now previous school decided that in order to remain in budget they had to cut some classes. Those classes just _had _to be my ones, didn't they?

You should've seen his big, shit-eating grin as he casually strolled up to me. It's not that he hates _me_ it's just that he despises the fact that one of his students excels beyond him in every possible way. So, the spiteful bastard walks up to me (pardon my language) and smiles his crooked, yellow-toothed grin at me. I, being the kind, quiet, Izumi Koushirou I am stand there and accept the pathetic "excuses" as to why I, the top student, am being kicked out school.

Where is the logic in that? What has society come to if it punishes those who achieve? Anyway, that's when I decided that I should give him a piece of my mind and told him, rather loudly, where he could shove his excuses. Of course, it should've been impossible for him to kick me out. He would of course need parental consent to boot me out, so I told him that with the full brunt of my condescending attitude (I really did muster up the most professional voice I could think of for that prick). I'm sure it would've been entertaining for the gathering crowd if they had their principle proven wrong. Pity it didn't go that way.

There I was, red in the face calmly (outwardly, anyway) poking holes in the suit-wearing, cigar-smoking, dream-crusher's plans, watching as his piano-toothed grin nearly split his face in half (That's if _I_ didn't break his face first). So after my teaching lesson I waited for Principle whatever his name was (I've already forgotten) to respond. That's when I lost it.

Seriously, I put a lot of my time and effort into keeping my thoughts and actions separate. I believe that it's imperative to keep a cool, steely demeanour. If one can't control one's actions then one is truly weak. Manners are always important, regardless of how you feel.

Except this time I just let loose. I suppose you could say that my "inside" voice took over, and boy was it exhilarating. Well, what did you expect me to do when Captain Ruin-my-day shows me a fully completed consent form from my "parents" saying that they agree to me being "re-located"? I do love my parents (don't get me wrong), just not as much as my biological ones. Especially after betraying me like this.

After my fifteen minute rant on how Supremo Retardo is unfit to teach, never-mind live, I stormed away to get my things. At least I wiped that snide smirk of his face, it must have done the trick when I announced to the surrounding mob that he kept child pornography on his computer. Hah, I'd like to see him talk his way out of that one. I couldn't help but glance back in satisfaction as I saw a disgruntled Principle (presumably suspended Principle, now) being interrogated by one of his colleagues. Maybe there is some justice in the world. Nobody pisses me off like that and gets away with it.

In retrospect, maybe I blew the situation out of proportion. I mean, the accusations I threw at the Principle were enough but perhaps the electrical fires I started were a little over-the-top (don't worry, I made sure nobody got hurt!). The only thing I truly damaged was the school's budget. They might have cut my classes but now there was no physical classroom remaining to teach in. Justice!

After I reviewed the chaos I caused I began another lonely walk home. That's when it hit me. I had to move school. I began to read the scrunched-up form that was balled up in my fists. They really had signed the paper, I was going to destroy my parents. Why would they do such a thing? Didn't they understand the turmoil I would go through, _have_ _gone_ through in order to "fit in". My intuition told me that no, they didn't fully understand the extent to which a child like me – quiet, reserved and unaccepted – would be ostracised by others.

That's when I decided to go with it. Of course, I could complain and try and get my parents to revoke their consent but it wouldn't change the fact that I burnt down my classrooms. Yep, that was a poor idea.

The form itself was just as blunt and pathetic as what I was told at the school, "re-location..." blah, blah, blah. But my curiosity was piqued by the only incomplete part of the form. Apparently I had a choice of where I could go for education. At first I entertained the idea of going to another school but swiftly dismissed it as I identified a small square box labelled, "Home-school". Excellent, I was sure my parents would agree to that. I had no idea how wrong I was.

At least I had a good 45 minutes to think through my plan whilst walking home. My parents had some explaining to do, and if they didn't come up with a decent enough answer I was going to just give them a piece of my mind. Of course, I had no intention of owning up to the fires in the school or accepting any kind of punishment for my actions (not that I would let the fires be linked to me in any way). I held the belief that I was right firmly in my mind (and I _was _right). I just didn't expect my parents to be so reasonable about it. They must have known me better than I thought because after they managed to get me to listen to their logic they managed to make me see sense, or at least won my mind over with their multitude of bribes. It was rather embarrassing, to be truthful.

I made a dramatic entrance, hammering my fist on the house door and barging in before anyone answered. I planned to surprise them with my sudden appearance (after all, I left school early). Thundering through the house, I searched my fathers office – empty. I then tried my mothers room – empty. That's when I entered the kitchen and was taken aback by the situation before me.

Maybe that was a bit too dramatic, but I wasn't expecting them to be waiting for me! They just sat on two chairs, hands intertwined and a solemn look upon their faces. That really caught me off-guard. A thousand thoughts whizzed through my head as they motioned for me to sit. I obeyed, frown plastered to my face (I was meant to be angry, after all). My anger soon fizzled away as my mother, very sincerely, informed me in the most heart-felt manner that she believed that I should change school. She really did know me too well, calming me in a matter of seconds.

She then lost my interest as she began to drone on about the options I had for education. I waited for her to finish so I could begin my speech on why I should be home-schooled, but for some reason she seemed pretty sold on the idea of me going to this other school on the list. My face glazed over in a neutral expression as I began to ponder why I even needed to be educated, I was already more advanced than the other kids at my "old" school anyway. Further delving into the ideas of my future, I wondered why I was even living with my parents. Sure I couldn't cook well, but I could learn. Why would a sixteen year-old boy like me need his parents when he already lives a life of seclusion. I was definitely going to try and bargain with her on that one.

"...and that's why I think you should move out."

My jaw could only drop as I contemplated what my mother just said. Maybe it was just my imagination. I couldn't truly comprehend what she had just said. Was she offering me freedom? Possibly forcing me out? Nah that couldn't be true, she would never do that to me.

"...I've already packed your things."

She _was _kicking me out! As if I didn't have enough problems to deal with, moving school and all, but now I had to find an apartment and get a job! This was all happening way too fast. No. She loved me, didn't she? Surely she would only do something like this to me if she really believed she was doing the right thing?

"It's for your own good Koushirou." She stated, in a no longer emotional, matter-of-factly tone. So she was playing the "I'm you mother and you better do what I tell you or else I'll mention your real mother" card. That one never gets old. "It's what your mother would have wanted". Oh, there we go, she did it again. I was seriously sick of my parents, one more word about my real mother and I really was going to leave, and she was going to receive a swift jab to the jaw.

"You need friends, Koushirou". Oh, here we go again, "friends". I was just about to protest when she hit me with some startling developments, or I suppose you could call them bribes. "We will pay for your accommodation for two years, during which time you will make friends and learn". That's the most blunt and precise thing I've ever heard her say to date. The forceful suggestion was reasonable, apart from the "friends" part, of course. No job, a real education and peace from my parents. I contemplated the offer. It wasn't that bad when I thought about it, I get to escape from my parents for two years, I got to be home-schooled... Didn't I? I was just about to enquire when she responded for me (it was like she was reading my mind!).

"...during which time you will be attending Cho-Zen-Wun High-school."

My jaw dropped further, with an audible pop. So my mother was forcing me out of the house and my old school, making me attend some unheard of school and stay... "where?" I heard myself say, my voice hoarse and slightly rougher than normal due to my prolonged silence.

My father spoke this time, "You will be staying in accommodation within the school complex. You will be provided a moderately sized dormitory for a reasonable price during your attendance at Cho-Zen-Wun High-school". Wow, they must have been serious if my father decided to get involved. He never really did get involved with issues regarding me unless it was serious, like my adoption or my... other problem.

My train of thought returned to my parents as I heard a jingle. Looking up, I noticed my father's car keys. Oh great, so he was going to personally escort me to my new prison. At least my new prison could offer me freedom, or so I thought – how odd. The real issue was the new school I would be attending. I generally was dreading having to go through all the niceties and greetings associated with moving school. Thinking back, it was kind of ridiculous that I was worried about being polite to others than others belittling me. Everybody always wants to know everything about the new kid.

I can't believe that in the end,my choice wasn't truly a choice. I mechanically gathered my things and placed them in my father's car, uttering a robotic farewell to my mother. I really didn't know how to feel at that point. There was the heart-ache of being betrayed by my parents and the anxiety of having to meet new people but most surprisingly there was excitement. The raw enthusiasm and energy that flowed within me battling my depressed attitude was immense. Never before had I moved away from my parents. Never before had I been unburdened and unrestrained. I was free. Free to learn, free to implore and question ever aspect of life. As I hopped in the car, I couldn't help but think that this was going to be horrifyingly great.

A three hour drive. _Three hours, _and I was staring at the complex. It truly lived down to its title as a complex, with a multitude of buildings all sizes surrounding the centre building – which I assumed to be the school. The omnipresent tingling of excitement was beginning to build up within me again. I was almost anticipating entering the complex, which felt so peculiar.

At least I did my research on the school during the car journey. I was, thankfully, allowed to utilise my laptop (my most prized possession) as we travelled in the car, accessing nearby internet hotspots as we progressed. During the windows of opportunity I had, I discovered that the school wasn't prestigious, posh or fancy. I also discovered that it certainly wasn't a normal school either. Apparently Cho-Zen-Wun high school was recognised throughout Japan for helping those who attend achieve their "potential". I know, it seems like a school that a kid with disabilities would go to, but I did research thoroughly and I discovered that it is a school truly unique in the way that it entices children to develop. So my parents truly meant what they said, they wanted me to develop in a well balanced manner rather than purely academical achievement.

Stretching myself with a multitude of satisfying pops and cracks, I headed towards the main entrance with my father. I still couldn't believe the gravity of the situation that was unfolding. I was all alone. By myself. Away from my parents. A piano-toothed grin that could rival my previous Principal's spread itself across my face. It must have been obvious as my father was wearing a small, smug smile to mirror my own.

Upon entering the main building I suddenly felt relaxed. As if the whole building was designed to sooth and calm ones emotions and, looking back, it really was designed that way. As we entered we were greeted by an older woman, presumably office staff of some sort, who handed me a key to my "dorm", a classes timetable and map of the complex, including the building which my dorm was located.

I was ordered (well, softly advised is probably a better word) to state my farewells to my father whilst the woman retrieved my "guide". A _guide_, how embarrassing. I could read any map without much effort so why did the woman feel the need to baby me as I moved here. Well, I suppose that was it, really. I was _moving here_. Maybe it was more of a moral support thing rather than a physical need for a guide. I certainly hoped so anyway.

I gave my father a typical, brief, non-clingy, back patting hug as he left. No way was I going to cry, although I didn't really say a proper farewell to my mother. The guilt combined with the realisation that I was all alone brought raw emotion to my face. I battled inwardly with myself, desperate not to cry, but I still ended up with glazed eyes.

I was thankful for the distraction when my guide approached me and gestured for me to follow. He must have realised my fragile emotional state and decided to remain silent as he walked me to my dorm. The guide himself was rather peculiar, as he strutted the corridors and buildings like he was bursting with energy. The only thing that was as odd as his enthusiasm for his bland task was his hair – which there was a _lot _of.

After about a 5 minute walk his pace slowed and he hit me with the biggest grin (I'm not even kidding when I say this) I have _ever _seen. Trying to recover from the shock of the surprise, gleaming smile attack he informed me that we have arrived at the dorm, "Hey, I'm Yagami Taichi and this is our dorm!". I stood there for a moment, studying the boy. He was clearly older than me, also taller. Then there's that hair – the insane 'do. It made me wonder if I really _was_ in some form of "challenged children" school.

I was about to give this Taichi my thanks when it clicked inside my mind that he said, "our dorm". I really was hoping to be staying alone, independently but it was foolish of me to think I would be on my own. I remembered reading online that there were single "dorms" available but of course, my mother and father would have lumped me together with others to try and make "friends".

Taichi must have seen mystified expression (or resignation, or blatant tiredness) and quickly tried to rectify the situation. He attempted to explain to me (insulting my intelligence in the process) in his energetic way that almost everyone shares a dorm with at least one other, that it was basic policy. I didn't have time to consider this as he ushered me into the room.

My heart sank as I noticed the living arrangements. Sure, there were two separate, single beds but they were barely 4 ft apart. Just as I was mourning over my now non-existent privacy I noticed that there were two individual bathrooms, a small living room and a moderately sized kitchen. It really wasn't that bad, it's just that I didn't (I still _don't_) get on well with others – _especially _in close-quarters situations. Being in close-contact to others leads to questions and it's only human nature that people will pry.

I found that out the hard way. I wasn't always a loner. I did have a close friend once, her name was Miyako. We both shared the same interests, both excelled at school and both shared a close bond. All of that was destroyed – completely ruined and ended – when she decided to ask one too many questions. It was small things at first, like "Why don't you like animals?" and "Why don't you have any other friends?" but soon developed into "Why are you adopted?" and "Why don't you want kids?". Yeah, I was thirteen years old when I lost my one and only friend. I don't plan on making that same mistake again. _Ever_.

Now I find myself forced into close contact with this new person, Yagami Taichi. I don't want the pain of rejection again, it hurts too much. Taichi seemed like a nice enough guy but I couldn't risk experiencing the agony – the heart-wrenching despair – that I am all too familiar with.

Taichi must have noticed my distress, as I was suddenly being comforted, his hands securely planted on my shoulders. I didn't fight his comforting gesture though, as I found myself rooted to the floor, a solitary tear-drop adorning my cheek. I couldn't let him hurt me like before. I couldn't live if I experienced _that _again.

Taichi's deep brown eyes searched mine, searching for some way to console me or some indication as to why I was behaving the erratic way I was. I had to move away from him. I had to run before I was hurt again. I had to get him to move away, "Taich-..."

"call me Tai". His eyes began glazing over. I could see how helpless he felt as he saw me recoil at the friendly name he offered me. I really had to escape his grasp, he was too close already, physically and otherwise. A final wave of chagrin flushed through me as I made a dash for one of the bathrooms. It only took me a moment to launch my stuff (laptop included) at what I assumed was my bed and to hide myself away.

The bathroom I bolted myself in was pretty large, and I found myself analysing every minute detail in order to distract myself from the re-opened wound in my heart. I could _never_ let anyone close to me again. Tai-...No, Taichi could never be my friend. At least I found solace in the soothing colours decorating the bathroom – a variety of cool blues. The bathroom, however, could not stop my muffled sobs from resonating throughout the dorm.

I could sense Taichi's worry. I just knew that he was hurting – to a lesser extent – because of me. I was trying to build up the courage to apologise through the heavy wooden door but he spoke first. "Are you okay?". His care only managed to louden my anguish, but I managed to muffle my cries enough to send Taichi a pained grunt in response. Then the pain overwhelmed me and everything went black.

* * *

I awoke in a puddle of what I hoped was either saliva or tears. I must have been snoring because as soon as I woke up Taichi attempted to get a response out of me. "Hey room-mate you all right?". The voice sounded like it came from the other side of the door and, once again, Taichi's concern washed another wave of repressed pain over me.

Rather than fail at a response I decided it would be more logical to simply open the door, but before I could do so I noticed myself in the mirror. I really did look like hell. My hair was out of place, taking on a dark hue compared to my previously brick-red hair and there was a thin layer of salt or saliva coating my face. I didn't take the time to fix myself, after all it's not like Taichi would care, and unbolted the door.

He looked just as messed up as me, minus the salt and tears. Why was he like that? I scrunched my eyes tightly together as I came to the conclusion that he lay on the other side of the door all night long. No, it couldn't be. Why would a _stranger _like _Taichi_ do that for someone like _me. _I had to compose myself. I had to distance my thoughts from my actions. I had to obey my own personal rule.

"Good morning Taichi". I managed to state in a mechanical voice. At first he looked shocked, probably due to how devoid my voice was of emotion. The rest of the morning was a blur. Some breakfast, a shower (Turned out one bathroom had a shower and the other a bath) and backpack preparing. I appreciated the silence that Taichi gifted me that morning. He didn't make the mistake of others, he didn't ask questions.

Taichi did, however, quietly and subtly point out that we both shared our first class together. I didn't know what PSE is, but neither did I feel like conversing with my room-mate either. Room-mate, I didn't think I'd ever have one of those. I steeled myself for my first class, preparing for the unrestrained and unsolicited interrogation that I was likely to receive. Why couldn't everyone be like Taichi? Why couldn't people mind their own business rather than fawning over the life of the new kid?

Taichi and I (well, mostly me) became the centre of attention as we entered the room. I could sense the curiosity and the need to _know_ emanating from each and every person who gawked at us. All of our attention was quickly taken by a petite woman who gestured first towards the group of people within the room and then to a circle of chairs pointing inward. I just knew it was going to be fun (note the irony).

Apparently PSE stands for "Personal and Social Education", whatever that is. I soon discovered after a small period of time that today's lesson consisted of each person stating their full name and age, answering a question asked by someone of the person's choice and then the focus would move to the next person.

I could cope with that, or so I thought. There were a variety of ages of those who were in this class, which I found peculiar. It lead me to believe that it was purposely set up that way in order to keep the lessons balanced and unique, much like the school itself. Apparently, the lesson had also been designed to introduce any newcomers (in this case, me) to the group in order to make "friends". Seriously.

Whilst ignoring the slow progress of the circle I began to contemplate my parents' motives for sending me here. It seemed that they invested much time and thought into sending me here. I realised that they must have been considering this for a while. A kind of resentment developed within me at that moment. Why couldn't they have given me more time to settle in or to accept the move? It all seemed so fast from my perspective, perhaps they were just so glad that what they wished for me for so long could come true. Kind of. I certainly didn't plan on making any friends here. Or anywhere else for that matter.

I must have lost track of time contemplating my sudden move when everyone was staring at me again, this time it was because it was my turn to "participate". At least it was better than I thought it would be, I mean, one question couldn't hurt that much, could it? I would just have to be careful who to ask. I decided to begin before the teacher intervened.

"My name is Izumi Koushirou". I noticed that Taichi was adorning a small smile, probably relishing the fact that he knew his room-mates name after all his efforts, or he was laughing at me – probably the latter, not that I cared. "I am sixteen years old". Again, the room remained relatively quiet and tension-free, apart from a small nod coming from Taichi's direction again. Probably due to his suspicions of my age being confirmed, or he was inwardly mocking me - either way I wasn't going to let it get to me.

Now, who to choose to ask me a question? I looked around the room, looking for the most bored and detached person I could find. My eyes locked with Taichi for a moment but I swiftly altered my focus to elsewhere in the room. He almost seemed defeated by my small movement. He couldn't be asked anyway, he was there when I broke down the previous night. He would need to remain question-less Taichi or it would ruin everything. I chuckled to myself as I pointed out a small girl wearing some sort of pink outfit. She was deeply in conversation with the person beside her, a blond haired, blue eyed boy wearing a hat. They both looked relatively young and bored but the girl seemed like the best option.

Reassurance slowly crept through me as she beamed at me. She appeared to be rather newbie-friendly, which I was thankful for as I noted some sighs and tuts travelling across the room. I wondered what she would ask me? She seemed to have already made up her mind which I was grateful for – I could see she wasn't putting too much thought into the question.

"Who is your new room-mate?". She half-sang, half-asked me. My body relaxed and I released a breath I didn't know I was holding. I turned to observe the circle members, some of which we listening and others weren't bothered. I noted a brief exchange of sorts between the girl and Taichi, it looked like Taichi was thanking the girl or taunting her – one of the two, anyway. They both whipped their heads around to meet me, both hitting me simultaneously with their twin grins.

"Yagami Taichi". I proclaimed in a strong, unwavering voice (I didn't know my voice could sound so powerful). I was rewarded by an even wider grin from Taichi and a cheeky, reassuring wink from the girl. It was almost like they had planned for that to happen. After a while I became lost in my own thoughts again, until the circle progressed to Taichi.

"I am Yagami Taichi and I am seventeen years old". I thought he was older than me, that confirmed it. It was rather impressive the way he commanded the attention of the room, almost as if he was a natural speaker. I had to doubt that, though, as he had been sensibly tame and quiet around me during the events of my arrival. My attention began to wander, yet again, until he all but shouted out that _I _should be the one to ask his question in the most incredulous way imaginable.

"I choose you! Izzy-chu!". He smiled that grin, _his _grin at me as he pointed his finger at me from across the circle. Oh no way, he did not just call me "Izzy-chu". There were chuckles and snickers from around the circle but all I could do was just sit there, dazed and perplexed at the pet-name that Taichi launched at me. I had two options. I could either think of the most awkward and unthinkable question one could ever muster and ask him. Or I could shrug it off and lose the attention that I was currently the focus of. I decided on the latter, I really didn't want any more attention being drawn to me than necessary.

"What is your relation to her?". I pointed my finger at the girl who asked me my question. They both seemed pretty shocked. I noticed that they both looked at each other questioningly before the girl shook her head in confusion. It only took a short while for Taichi's grin to return before he answered me. He wore a rather bemused expression as he responded to me.

"Her name is Yagami Hikari, she is my sister and she is thirteen". It took me a moment for me to realise that Taichi was still staring at me as the lesson progressed, possibly in awe or respect but I didn't want to dwell on it. It was merely observation that lead me to deduce the fact that they were related somehow. I did the utmost that I could to prevent myself from becoming ostracised but it looked like Taichi planned to end that and ruin me. Why couldn't Taichi remain the quiet, subtle boy from earlier?

Time passed, and apparently the class didn't completely revolve around sitting on chairs. The small teacher-woman decided that at the end of every PSE lesson we have fifteen minutes to fill in a journal. Yep, you heard it, _journal. _That means I had to, _have to_, sit on my ass, writing about all the things that suck in my life whilst the teacher laughs at us after we hand them in. Apparently it's "a productive way to vent your feelings". Yeah _right._ Like I was going to going to do that. Little steely Koushirou, write in a journal, without even the courtesy of calling it a dairy, hah!

And that brings me to where I am now. Trapped in this hell-hole of a classroom filling out my "journal", feeling like I'm going against every grain in my body as I reveal to myself (and presumably the teacher if she's bored, although she says she "wouldn't dare". Yeah, right.) all my vulnerabilities and thoughts which should be kept securely and safely tucked away in my brain for safekeeping.

_'I can't believe I'm actually writing in this! This is **worse** than people asking questions!_'

_'But at least the teacher said we could keep it as brief or as detailed as we want, like **that's **any consolation. Of course she would say that. I bet she's just **dying **to find out about my dysfunctional life.'_

* * *

_**Author's Note: **Well, what did you think of my first chapter? It was tricky to write but it was fun (I just keep imagining the Taishirou loo~ve that I can and will make happen in the future). I really do promise a much more descriptive point of view in the future (this was kind of a little bit of an experiment). I really would love some advice or tips or support or whatever from any readers out there! I advise any readers who are interested, favourite the story for the notifications when I update. And I apoligise for any OOC-ness on behalf of Koushirou but I really did want a slightly different sense of individuality for Koushirou that isn't in the real Digimon world. If you've read this far I suggest reading on, it gets way better ;P...  
_

~shmoo~


	2. Tai

_**Author Note: **__Made some small but significant changes to the previous chapter to make things make more sense (as of the 17__th__ of Feb), sorry for any inconvenience (You could re-read the last chapter but I've only made relatively small changes regarding Koushirou's other problem – he now doesn't want kids compared to what appeared to him not being able to have kids). Here's another chapter for you readers :)_

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own Digimon or any aspect of the Digimon world or franchise and earn no profit from writing this Taishirou Fan Fiction._

_**Warning:** Here we go again; This story does or will contain yaoi/boy love/malexmale sex - whatever you call it - along with strong language, probably adult themes and most likely some blood and gore. Apologies if I've missed anything._

"Speech"

_'Thoughts'_

_**'Italic thoughts'**_

* * *

_**Chapter 2; Tai**_

I couldn't help but release a high-pitched yawn as I closed the journal. My eyes were starting to burn and strain as I studied the simple patterns decorating the cover of it, making them appear more raw than before. _'After all that I actually ended up writing quite a lot, phew!'_ I could sense a tension headache building up within me. _'I probably should have taken a break from writing at some point.'_ I stopped ogling the small insects scattered over the cover of my journal as I unleashed a momentous sigh. _'Wow, maybe that crazy teacher was right, maybe it does help to write in this thing. Maybe.'_

I was so engrossed by the journal. The feel of it, the colour of it even size of it seemed- _'Odd' -_for some reason. I subconsciously began tracing my fingers along the edges of the book, studying and analysing every contour of its surface. _'What's so odd about this?' _I couldn't quite put my finger on what had me drawn to the journal but it had my undivided attention.

_'Perhaps it's the texture?' _The book had a distinctly leather feel to it but with a tinge of roughness, too. The book felt _good _some reason. '_So earthy; so grounded, petite and safe.' _That was definitely it, it had to be. The calm shade of brown-red that matched my hair made me feel secure, whilst the insect illustrations coating its surface truly had me curious.

"What is up with this book!" I must have spoken out loud because I soon had Taichi ambush me with another of his killer grins, forcing another squeaky noise out from me similar to my earlier yawn. "Eeahh!" _'Did I really just squeal? Oh here it comes – the "haha, you're such a girl"'. _Bracing for the impending insult, I found myself knocked off-guard by the barrage of fluorescent reds and oranges radiating from Taichi's hands.

I wasn't sure what surprised me more; the fact that Taichi decided not to hit me with a "witty" insult or the fact that his had hand appeared to be alight. _'His hand **can't **be on fire, can it?' _Apparently Taichi could read my train of thought as he hastily began to delve into further detail regarding his apparently not on fire hand.

"You like my journal?" _'Ah, so that is his journal. It definitely is... unique.' _I tried to conceal my overbearing need to question him about his journal- _'After all, asking questions is the height of bad manners' _-and instead chose to acknowledge his question with a curt nod.

Time seemed to slow as he approached me, as he bounded towards me in that way I noticed he moves. I would have jumped away from him had he not lured me into a snug blanket of security whilst invading my personal space. I definitely would have dodged Taichi if he had not expertly pacified me with his warm, toothy, reassuring grin.

_'It really should be illegal for Taichi to smile like that'_, I decided as he began explaining the basics of – as he very vocally expressed it – the "psychology of jou~rna~ls". _'Look at those eyes'_, his vibrantly brown eyes seemed to peer into my soul as he informed me that each person's journal is a perfect match for them. _'His hair, too.' _The only thing exerting as much sheer effort in the room than Taichi could have been his hair – which, as it's a being in it's own right, managed to hold itself steady as Taichi animatedly told me about whatever he was talking about. My eyes narrowed as I spotted a small globule of perspiration travelling down his face.

_'Wow, that bead of sweat looks like it might fall!'. _I pursed my lips in a vain effort to contain my urge to catch the bead of sweat that was, _'Just about to fall!'. _I found myself in a dilemma as I strained to reign in my instinct to catch the ball of liquid. _'Do I leave it or do I catch it!' _On one hand I could leave it be and endure the torture I was currently victim of but on the other I could catch it and save Taichi from it. _'I can't do it, that would break my personal rule, wouldn't it? But it's just a little bit of sweat, **surely** I'm overreacting?' _My grip on self-control must have slipped (or I found a loophole in my personal code of conduct) as I found my arm reaching out to relieve Taichi of his burden.

"...and that's why everyone has their own unique journal!" Taichi froze in his tracks as my fingers brushed his face. _'So soft, so fluffy.'_ My fingers danced along his face, teasing the sweat-drop away from his pink, healthy cheeks. _'So smooth, so sleek.'_ I let my hand linger, taking a mental log of the many complex attributes associated with Taichi's skin. _'So warm, so ho-...' _"Kou? Can I have my face back now?"

His wavering voice must have brought me back to my senses, as I snatched my arm back. _'Why did I do that? I can't do anything as thoughtless as that again, what happened to self-control?' _I could only stare at Taichi as the gravity of my actions finally hit me. _'Oh god! Now he probably thinks I'm crazy or insane or... no. I need to justify my actions to him, no matter how odd it may seem.'_

"S-sweat d-drop," I stammered at Taichi as I failed in my attempt to clear the trepidation that was clear in his voice. I weakly directed my arm to point an accusing finger at where the small volume of liquid had been defiling his face. _'It's not working! What do I do!' _

I relaxed my face, cooling my emotions and thoughts. In my desperation it occurred to me that a calm, robotic response may be the best solution to the problem._ 'Calm down, Koushirou. Lets think this through. It shouldn't be too difficult to distract him from that... lapse in control.'_

"My name is Koushirou," I coldly deflected as I trudged passed him. _'That should do the trick, maybe he'll take the hint and leave me alone.' _I initially assumed my endeavour to escape had been successful as I saw Taichi recoil from the sheer emotional detachment in my voice but apparently he wasn't going to leave it.

_'Just-go-away-just-go-away-just-go-away!' _I physically growled at Taichi as he turned me to face him, a rough sharpness evident in my voice as I scowled at him. '_Leave me alone Taichi! Don't you get it? I want you to leave me alone before everything goes wrong!' _Apparently Taichi didn't manage to read my train of thought this time as he decided to strike me with the full force of his sympathy.

"Izzy, I don't know why you feel the need to act this way to keep others away but it isn't going to work on me. You can't just run away all your life. You need to overcome these issues." The sincerity I noted within his voice almost seemed real. _'Was it real? Not that it matters anyway, I've already ruined our acquaintanceship - it's too late. Maybe I could move back home with my parents, this was a terrible idea after all.' _"Don't even think about it," he sternly stated as I tried to free myself from his resistance.

'_Does Taichi really have this much insight into a person like me, a stranger?' _My brain desperately tried to solve the puzzle of what Taichi was saying. _'Is he threatening me? Or is he just being stubborn?' _My eyes widened as I thought of other hidden meanings within his words. _'Is he offering forgiveness? Or maybe even offering his friendship?' _Taichi, as if he had a channel into my thoughts, nodded his head in either confirmation or reinforcement.

I didn't exactly know what caused me to respond the way I did next. It was most likely that I acted upon instinct or gut feeling but I accepted Taichi's offer, friendship or not. _'Maybe, **just maybe **I'm ready to live again – to befriend another and share thoughts and experiences as friends should do.' _Unable to conjure up the correct words to portray to Taichi the true hope I held within him for the future, I settled for a small token of my companionship.

"I am sorry, Tai." _'I am sorry I can't open up to you. I am sorry I act the way I do. I am sorry I cannot accept my emotions. And I am truly sorry that I cannot offer you friendship, but if you could find it in you to accept me, I would like to try.'_

Perhaps it was the pain that flashed across my face as I said his nickname or possibly the watery sheen that augmented the surface of my eyes, but something caused him to consider my loaded apology. His wise, chocolate eyes appeared to melt as tears threatened to spill over their edges. He seemed to have understood the true depth of what I was saying, the true meaning that was concealed beneath my words. _'Do you truly understand me Tai? Do you fully understand the extent to which I am broken? Maybe not yet, but if you give me a chance – just give me a chance! - then maybe you can fix me. Maybe one day I will be able to reciprocate your friendship. Maybe.'_

"Don't worry, Koushirou."

Dizziness struck me as I tried to process the response. _'Tai was giving me a chance. Tai understood me. Tai knew I was hurting. Tai knows he can fix me. And I know he can too.'_

I could feel myself weaken, physically and otherwise. My knees began to quake under the weight of my new news, my new title, my new responsibility. I was slipping away from consciousness. Both Tai and I realised that too late, however, and I found myself falling ever so slowly to the floor, a state of bliss and ecstasy overwhelming me as Tai attempted to soften my fall.

_'I no longer need to behave like a robot. I no longer need to hurt alone. I no longer need to hide myself.'_

A satisfying blanket of darkness overtook my sight as I finally drifted away to the darkness.

_'I have someone to understand me. I have someone to numb my pain. I have a friend. I have Tai.'_

* * *

I stirred in an unknown emptiness, struggling to crawl across the ground. _'Where am I?' _The rough, broken glass path I was traversing was slashing my arms and legs open. _'Where am I going?'_ Pain seared through my limbs, burning my senses as I continued along the path. _'What am I doing?'_

There were no other routes, just one torturous trail leading to a singular, solitary destination somewhere in the horizon. I could only suffer as I slugged along the route, omnipresent darkness looming over me – threatening to leave me stranded. _'How did I get here? Did I crawl all the way out here?'_

I managed to fight the weight holding me down enough to look where I had come from. Something was approaching from the distance, something which I couldn't identify. _'What is that? It almost looks like a person.' _I rested my weight on my battered arms as I allowed the thing to approach.

_'It **does** look like a person. Yes, definitely a person.' _I focussed all my efforts into identifying the being, allowing the emptiness around me to flatten me against the torturous path even more. _'That person looks familiar.' _I noticed various aspects of the person, now only several steps away from me.

_'Was that-...? No it couldn't be. Nobody has purple hair.'_

It was only when the person was within reaching distance that I truly recognised them, my heart skipping a beat in the process. _'Nobody could have that purple hair. Nobody could wear those ridiculous rounded glasses. Nobody could wear that incredulous orange hat.'_

_'Nobody but-...' _"Inoue Miyako".

My voice was a faint whisper, resonating throughout the nothingness surrounding me. I could only writhe in pain as I felt Miyako's gaze burn through me, her dark brown eyes piercing me - tearing straight through my heart.

I tried to shout, I tried to scream but my voice lacked the power required to make any noise. There were so many things I wanted to bawl, so many things I wanted to demand, so many things I wanted to accuse. But my voice left me._ 'Why did you reject me? I thought we were friends. How could you abandon me, leave me broken? Didn't you realise – **Don't** you realise – the agony of being alone? Of being unable to live? I thought that's why we were friends. Didn't we both want to avoid that?'_

The Miyako before me merely sneered in distaste as she pinned me to the glass with her eyes - weighing down every ounce of my very being with the morbid revulsion emanating from her rock hard eyes.

_'Something isn't right. The Miyako I knew would never hold a grudge – even if she did despise my very existence.' _I fought against the gravity being induced by the monster looming over me. _'No. You're not Miyako. You're not the Miyako I knew. You're better than this.'_

Using every ounce of my limited strength I desperately tried to rebel against the pseudo-Miyako. _'I don't need you any more Miyako. I won't let you keep me down like this. I know this isn't truly you, but I forgive you. I forgive you for leaving my heart in tatters – for betraying my trust and my friendship. I'm willing to let go Miyako, willing to forget and move on.'_

I managed to rise onto my feet, sweat mixing with the blood and tears decorating my body. The fake Miyako was no longer glaring at me, almost looking frightened as I levelled my gaze at it. _'Miyako, I forgive you.'_

I paced forward a few tolling steps to meet the Miyako look-a-like in the eyes, face to face. I raised my arms as it recoiled in what appeared to be fear at my motion. _'Miyako, I can move on – __**You **__can __move on.'_

The imposter froze as I wrapped my arms tightly around its neck in a wordless and thoughtless hug. I almost thought I felt it lean into the silent embrace as I began to tremble. _'I don't need to worry any more, __**you **__don't need to worry any more. I have a new friend. I have...-'_

"Tai."

The darkness began to recede from my environment, colour worming it's way back into existence. My pain was numbed as an invigorating warmth flowed throughout the many wounds that littered my body. I sensed the almighty weight that was pushing me down lessened as I felt a foreign arm securely place itself around my shoulders.

Everything within the space began glowing an energetic combination of reds and oranges as the third entity illuminated every surface in the dark zone, melting the crude glass path into a smooth yet solid walkway. The threads of my heart slowly began to stitch themselves together as I recognised the third stranger. Except the third stranger was no stranger, it was Tai.

I observed the being I recognised as Miyako intently as she looked at Tai. _'Miyako, this is Tai. This is the one that saved me from you.' _One of Tai's arms appeared to be around Miyako's shoulders also, slowly bringing the three of us together.

_'Don't you like him Miyako? Are you ready to let me proceed with my life?' _A petite smile grew upon Miyako's face as Tai drew us both into a warm embrace. She wore a small tear to match her smile. _'You are happy. You are content. Thank you Miyako. Now I can live again.'_

We stood there for a moment – Miyako and I – content to bask in the serenity and contentment that had enveloped us. The figure I recognised as Tai allowed us to hold the group-hug, as he supported my unsteady balance with his securely placed arm.

"Tai." I heard myself say again, along with a distinctly feminine voice. _'Did Miyako just speak? Where is she?' _I looked around myself, searching for the person who once broke my heart, but to no avail. _'Where is she? Where is Tai?' _Panic shook me as I struggled to find my two friends, or what I thought was panic anyway.

My shoulders shook once again but this time I could feel a warmth at my shoulders that came with the motion. _'Where am I? Where are they?' _It took one more jolt from my shoulders for me to realise that what happened wasn't real. _'Am I dead? Am I dreaming? Oh no what about Miyako! So this was all just wishful thinking.'_

I wasn't surprised when I woke up. I was, however, surprised to see Tai and another girl (presumably the owner of the other voice) present as it happened – Tai's hands firmly grasping my shoulders. _'So it was all just a dream. I knew it was too good to be true. It was foolish of me to think that Miyako would ever let me be.' _My thoughts were redirected to the present though, as Tai and the other girl began talking to me.

"Koushirou are you okay? You've been out for hours!" _'This is Tai. This is definitely the real Tai. _An emotion filled shudder and sigh parted my lips as I came to terms with reality – the real Tai.

Tai's care for my well-being was interrupted by the older, brown haired girl beside him as she started bombarding me with tactless questions. "Who is Inoue Miyako? Were you dreaming or what?"

Her imposing questions were swiftly cut short before I could gape at her as Tai decided to intervene. "Sora! Give him a break he's just woken up from a five hour blackout and you're sitting interrogating him like some criminal!"

I was thankful for Tai's presence as I managed to scowl at the other girl – Sora. _'Apparently I was talking in my... blackout? Oh great. I wonder what I said? I hope it wasn't anything about Tai or Miyako.'_

Before Sora had a chance to try and justify her outrageous behaviour, I groggily turned to Tai to inquire about what happened. "Tai, what happened? Why am I lying... in a _pink duvet_! What the heck happened that knocked me out for five hours!"

Noticing the oddly coloured duvet that was currently keeping me warm, I began to observe my other surroundings. _'Pink duvet, weird bird dolls, freaky cloud wallpaper. This definitely isn't my room.' _My pondering was quickly ended by Tai's deflection of my question.

"I'll tell you when we get back to the dorm. Can you walk?" I sighed at his answer but, nonetheless, I began trying to stand up. _'Wow, this is feeble.' _Sensing my instability, Tai hooked his arm across by back and my arm over his shoulder and swiftly began making an exit. "Hold on to me." He commanded as we shuffled to the door of what appeared to be some other room.

I heard Tai toss a thanks and farewell to Sora as we left the room, making me aware of the wooziness that prevented me from doing the same. "Thanks for letting us stay in your dorm, Sora. It means a lot to me. And I'm really, _really_ sorry for being a nuisance. Bye~!"

He whisked me away so quickly that I almost missed the barely audible, "Goodbye Tai," from Sora. I began to wonder who the Sora person was as we gladly made our way back to _our _dorm – the dorm that didn't look like it had dropped out the sky. _'I wonder who Sora is, how does she know Tai? It was decent of her to let us stay but what was with Tai's erratic behaviour?'_

A small giggle escaped my lips as we were nearing our dorm. _'I wonder if he does? Maybe I'll ask him.' _Tai – not letting anything escape him – reacted to my outburst of laughter with a questioning look to which I just responded, "Sora," in a way that made it clear that all was understood. A look of irritation developed on his face as he asked me, "What about her?". _'Heh, he does doesn't he!'. _Another chuckle left my mouth as I stated in a matter-of-factly tone, "You like her."

Tai stumbled as I spoke the words, almost launching me across the corridor. He stared at me incredulously, gawking at me with accusing eyes. "What did you just say?" _'Such defensive behaviour, yep, definitely.' _I turned to look at him with the most innocent expression I could manage, struggling in my attempts not to roll around laughing.

"You – Like – Sora." A look of horror was painted on his face as he cringed at my statement. _'Well, no denial, that confirms it.' _He mouthed a vain attempt at a "how" as he stared intently at my face, as if looking for an outward sign as to how I could read his feelings for Sora.

Smug satisfaction creased my face as I responded with a nonchalant, "I just know these things." _'Poor Tai, maybe I'm being a bit harsh with him but this sure is fun!' _Our pace slowed as we reached the door to the room we shared, Tai's eyes still glued to my face – appearing to be trying to will my smugness away. Opening the door, he resigned himself to the situation with a playful, "We need to talk."

I stopped in the doorway as Tai entered before me, my face now solemn. _'Might as well get some of this out of the way, after all we __**are**__ meant to be friends now.' _I started with a weighty sigh as he turned to look at me, "Actually Tai, I think we _do_ need to talk. I think I owe you some answers."

At first, Tai was taken aback by the serious tone of my voice but quickly recovered with one of his trademark grins and a "Hmph!" in triumph at my openness. His grin must have been contagious because I soon found myself mirroring his gleaming smile, although I couldn't mirror the raw energy radiating from him as he tossed a packet of snacks at me. _'He's still looking after me, even after my cold mood swings. He truly does deserve an explanation.'_

I sat on a small yet bright red sofa in our mini living room and patted the cushion beside me – beckoning Tai to sit as I indulged in my gifted food. _'Time for the story. The __**whole **__story. Now I'll find out if he is worthy of the title of friend.' _I regarded Tai with a sagely tone as I called him over, "Take a seat, Tai." He sat down. "Now I'm going to tell you _e~verything._" I made a wide, sweeping gesture with my arms as I grabbed his attention. "All I ask is that you sit and listen to my whole story, okay?"

All anxiety I had evaporated as Tai enthusiastically nodded at me, placing his hand on my upper arm and meeting his understanding eyes with my own. "Koushirou, I will listen to all of your story. I just want you to know that no matter what you say I will still be here for you." _'Wow, Tai means what he says. Why was I so apprehensive before?' _His face morphed into a pained expression as he continued, "Everyone has a past, Koushirou. I think I may be able to understand that better than anyone."

He released my arm, still measuring my half-reassured, half-shocked reaction with his chocolate brown eyes. _'What did Tai mean? Has Tai been hurt in the past too? I shouldn't ask. Not yet, anyway.' _I attempted to respond with a sincere, "Thank you, Tai," but by voice cracked and my emotionally delicate state was revealed.

I rubbed the bridge of my nose, lost in thought, with the intention of concealing the moisture gathering on my eyes and relieving some built-up stress. _'Okay, you can do this Koushirou. Tai is here for you.' _After my final self-reassurance I turned completely to Tai, indicating that I was beginning my story as we both got into comfortable sitting positions. _'Well, here goes nothing. Don't you dare ruin this Tai!'_

* * *

_**Author's Note: **Sorry for the cliffhanger-like thing at the end, readers. I'm planning on having some real development and explanation on the character's pasts and stuff like that. It seemed appropriate that it gets a fresh chapter. As for the dream part, was it too odd? Apologies if you found the whole sweat-drop thing over the top too – but it was weirdly funny to write. I'd really appreciate any support or advice/criticism from you readers, I'd also really like to if you think I should re-write chapter 1 (Tell me via review, pm, or e-mail if you do or don't). Was this chapter descriptive enough? (Tell me! Help me!) I really need to make these notes shorter *sighs*._

Thanks for reading, more coming soon,

~shmoo~


	3. Promises

_**Author Note: **__Hmm.. Should I have them tell their stories via boring description or action-packed flashbacks? (/guilty smile). I think I'm going to leave chapter 1 the way it is, I'd much rather write a new chapter than re-write an old one. All feedback is appreciated, it keeps me going._

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own Digimon or any aspect of the Digimon world or franchise and gain no profit from writing this Taishirou Fan Fiction._

_**Warning:** Ye olde warning; This story does or will contain yaoi/boy love/malexmale sex – between Taichi and Koushirou, of course! - along with strong language, probably adult themes, blood and gore and maybe some horror. Wow I add something new to this every time I write a chapter :L. Apologies if I've missed anything and sorry if anyone is affected by Koushirou's story of losing his parents._

"Speech"

_'Thoughts'_

_**'Italic thoughts'**_

* * *

**Chapter 3; Promises**

"Okay. Tai, I'm going to tell you about me before I became the mechanical, unstable person you see before you." Tai's expression was one of eagerness as I began my story, his slight nodding of his head encouraging me to continue. _'Here we go. Lets do this. You can do this, Koushirou. Just tell him your story.'_

A small glance at Tai's hopeful eyes was enough to reassure myself that this was a necessary process - that Tai needed to know who he was befriending and to the extent which I was broken. _'This is easy. Tai deserves this. It helps to talk.' _I psyched myself up one final time as I began my story.

"I once lived a normal life, Tai. I was once a happy, carefree boy who loved being the centre of attention and relished the opportunity to talk to others." Tai's expression remained constant as I developed my story. "I was ten years old when all that changed. I was ten years old when I had my parents taken away from me." '_Wow, this is harder than I thought.'_

Tai's mouth hung open, then closed, then opened again. It looked like he was contemplating whether to remain silent or to interrupt my flow. He chose the latter. "But I thought your parents forced you to move here!" I shot him a questioning look combined with an irritated scowl. _'He already knows quite a bit about me, probably because of the careful planning of my adopted parents. I should probably be more thankful to them for their thoroughness but now is not the time.'_

My annoyance was deflected with a simple shrug from Tai, concern still plastered across his face. _'Apparently he's going to let me continue.' _"As I was saying, when I was ten years old I had my parents unjustly taken from me." _'I still can't believe he did that. Why did he have to do that to them? Why did that bastard have to take them from me?'_

_**-Flashback/Story continuation-** _

Ten year old Izumi Koushirou was lying in his bed, slowly drifting off to the land of nod. A sleepy smile featured on his face as he gradually began falling asleep on his rich, mahogany, double-bed. He sluggishly frowned, however, as he found his peace and quiet interrupted by the large television in his room, currently displaying static.

A noiseless yawn left his mouth as he shuffled over to end the source of the commotion. Turning the TV off at a tactlessly overloaded socket in the wall, Koushirou decided it would be wise to brush his teeth before he went to sleep.

He traipsed into the fully marble bathroom, his red and white striped pyjamas reflecting back on the large mirror located near the sink. Reading the digital clock installed right beside the fire detection hardware in the wall, he realised he must have napped into the early hours of the morning.

He was careful not to splash toothpaste on the sink or taps, as that would mar the impeccable sheen coating them. Cautiously, he rinsed out his mouth using his own unique cup, obeying his parents instilled teachings that good oral hygiene was important. He tiptoed out of the huge room after dabbing his face on a startlingly white towel.

Little Koushirou decided it wise that he explain to his parents why he was venturing around the house at such a late hour, after all, he didn't want to receive a scolding for bad behaviour. He deduced that they were most likely still awake as he had reasoned that the guest that was visiting planned on staying until late.

He was used to the parties. Well, parties was probably too strong a word – a better choice of description would most likely be infrequent, late-night gatherings. It wasn't unusual for his mother or father to be seen sprawled across a variety of furniture in the morning, most notably the grand piano, apparently hung over or unconscious from their earlier merry making.

His parents were by no means bad parents, though. They always maintained rules and boundaries when it came to Koushirou. His safety and well-being was always a priority, even when they found themselves unable to think clearly. The most notable example of their care being their installation of a top of the range fire detection system into the household when he was younger after a fire scare. The expensive system cost them a fortune, but it was worth it. Koushirou was worth it.

He did, however, find it suspicious that his parents would take such risks in his safety when they prioritised it so highly. Koushirou had his lingering suspicions that something was wrong for a long time, he just had no idea what it could be or that it could lead to its inevitable conclusion.

Child Izumi thought about the parties as he was walking along a long stretch of corridor to reach his parents' room. He had never actually seen one as it happened, he was only aware of the aftermath that was left behind the morning after. He was aware of the usual part-goers that often visited the house. In fact, he was actually rather close with most of them, especially one in particular, his "Uncle Ish."

Uncle Ish was a likeable person, and when Koushirou had first encountered him his parents were delighted that he could make a mature connection with an adult. They were so impressed, in fact, that they decided to invite him over one night to one of their late night wind-downs. Maybe it was the young man's typical blonde-hair, blue-eyed look that swayed Koushirou's parents decision to invite him, or maybe it was his charming voice and seemingly intellectual retorts. Either way, Uncle Ish effectively became extended family.

Of course the first party had been a success, Uncle Ish was bound to make things interesting. His social skills were only outdone by his aptitude for musical instruments, primarily the Harmonica, which never ceased to amaze Mr and Mrs Izumi. Uncle Ish had Koushirou's parents fawning over him like a child obsessing over a new toy. Uncle Ish _was _family. In fact, Uncle Ish was integrated into almost every days events. But only whenever master Izumi wasn't around.

Koushirou noticed that he swiftly became a nuisance to the man, having an uncanny knack of being able to grab his parent's attention and raise their awareness simply by being present – even when drunk. Generally, the mysterious music playing, party going, child detesting man avoided Koushirou, which contrasted with their earlier encounters. It had become a habit of his that young Koushirou had noticed as he developed, the way he would exit a room whenever they were both in it, or – more recently – move Koushirou _himself_ out the way in order for them to be separated.

A youthful Koushirou wondered about the man as he skittered towards the grand door to his parents' room. It wasn't so much the fact that the oddly-behaving man went out his way that bothered him, no. It was the peculiar times when the man _would _remain near Koushirou that truly concerned the boy.

He could remember one such time – when he and the man spent a very long and painful ten minutes together whilst the other Izumis were absent. He could vividly remember the way the mysterious man would behave when near him, the erratic tendencies the man had.

The most memorable of such habits, was the way the the blonde-haired man looked at the boy. There was something about the way he studied the boy, the way he appeared to be judging him that made Koushirou feel uncomfortable. If it wasn't that then it was definitely the look in his eyes that unnerved the boy.

Koushirou couldn't help but squirm when under the intense gaze of the man, his eyes conveying a sense of smugness. The hint of knowing that young Koushirou detected underneath the man's reflective blue eyes certainly put him on edge. Those eyes. The way they looked at him as if he knew something that Koushirou didn't. It truly made the child feel uncomfortable to be the subject of such looks.

And that's what caused a cold-sweat to break out throughout the boy as he reached for the crystalline handle of his parent's bedroom. He couldn't put his finger on it, but ten year old Koushirou couldn't help but feel that something was out of place. He couldn't help but think that he was missing some vital piece of data as he placed his hand on the diamond door handle.

Oh, that was it. He suddenly realised the reason why everything was odd, an epiphany making his whole body shudder as he slowly twisted the handle. The _diamond_ handle. The _expensive diamond_ handle. The _expensive diamond_ handle that was attached to a heavy _mahogany_ door. The _expensive diamond_ handle that was attached to a _costly_ and heavy _mahogany_ door which was situated within a very _grand_ and very _valuable_ household.

Koushirou swallowed back a squeal as he contemplated his recent revelation, hand crushing the very handle which caused him to realise the situation regarding his "Uncle Ish". His family were rich. Ridiculously rich, to be honest, their affluence only outweighed by their loneliness and care for their child. And here was good old Uncle Ish, ready to make an impression on their precious child _and _relieve them of their loneliness.

Things like this happened all the time.

The terror-struck child bit down on his lip as he imagined what else his so called "Uncle" planned to or already had relieved the family of. In retrospect, he didn't know anything about the man who went by the alias of Ish. Not one thing. What happened to be a "chance" meeting one day developed into what it is today. A complete and utter stranger with free access to one of the most wealthy households in Japan. He had free access to their home, free access to their resources and free access to their child.

A rivulet of blood trailed down from Koushirou's small, child lips, as he bit his lip - running down his neck and decorating his red and white nightwear. He was sure it made sense now. What better time to take advantage of someone when they are under the influence of alcohol? Of course, Ish was a pro. Who knew the many figures of cash that he had managed to siphon from the Izumis over the past few months. Entering the family with the guise of keeping Mr and Mrs Izumi company whilst developing a bond with their child.

Koushirou didn't know what hurt most, the pain of being used or the shell shocking fear that shook down his spine - the utter terror that enveloped him as he realised the situation he and his family were in. There was a criminal in his home, incapacitating his parents with alcohol and taking things of value and god knew what else.

A small yellow patch contrasted with the boy's undergarments, soaking through his pyjamas, fully showing the true level at which he feared for his house, for himself, for his parents. Koushiro stood at the door for several long, torturous moments, allowing the multitude of liquids leaving his body to spread – effectively soiling his outfit.

The child clung to hope. He clung to the hope that maybe he was wrong – although he knew he wasn't. He clung to the hope that Ish was a good person – although he also knew that was untrue. Koushirou also clung – desperately and utterly – to the hope that his parents were well and healthy, unaffected by the traitor who had wormed his way into the household. He couldn't be sure of whether they were safe or not, though, unless he opened the door looming above him.

Koushirou was unfamiliar with the action of crying. He had rarely ever cried, even as a baby, so to say that he was shocked at the salty liquid pouring from his eyes would be a severe understatement. He took a moment to taste the bitter tears, before steeling himself – the first time he steeled himself of many – for his next move.

He wanted to open the door, he _needed _to open the door, but found himself unable to move – still petrified at his discovery. He forced his arm to move, slow and unsure as he twisted it in order to turn the handle of the door. Koushirou's gut sank with the slight click that accompanied the turned handle. All he had to do now was push forward, a simple yet equally impossible task.

He managed to push feebly against the cumbersome door in a distinctly robotic way – the first robotic action of many to come. The eerie creek that followed the action of the door being nudged was painful to listen to, making the door appear to scream as it was pushed open.

Koushirou began another sluggish, mechanical push at the door – leaning into the action this time in order to open the door to an appropriate level to see into the room. He utilised one eye to perversely attempt to peer inside the door, his hysterical demeanour visible even in the low light levels. He could almost see through the small gap. He just needed to lean into the door some more.

He haphazardly applied his weight to the door in order to open it a fraction more – the result of this being another, longer, more desperate sounding creak but no movement from the door. Koushirou began to get frustrated as his worries grew. What if there was something wrong with the door? What if there was something wrong with his parents? What if there was something stopping the door from ope-...

Creak. Trip. Click.

Koushirou stumbled into the room, face driving into the floor as the door behind him was clicked shut. Darkness consumed him as he attempted to feel his way around, utter terror wreaking havoc within his mind. He found himself unable to move, paralysed as he lay in his rapidly growing pool of piss.

He realised many things at that moment. He knew that the door couldn't have opened on it's own. He knew that all the lights couldn't have turned themselves off. He knew that he was in trouble. And he knew, he _just knew_, that he had seen a pair of knowing eyes judge him as he fell.

_**-Suspend flashback-** _

"Kou-ou-shirou! What h-happened! Tell me-ugh!" Tai was leaning over the middle of our small bloody-red sofa, arms wrapped around me, face inches from mine, practically sitting on me. I could see that my story had taken a toll on him as well as me as our faces were both the perfect image of grief. I could sense the distress and urgency in his voice as he begged me to continue, not to hear the story but to let me relieve me of my repressed emotions.

_'It hurts. So much.' _Ridiculous as it may seem, I tried to mollify Tai. "Tai-gh, it's-ugh o-okay-gh." I attempted to strangle my moans and whimpers as I spoke, trying to silence my ancient sorrow. It was futile to try and lower the volume of my sobs on my own, however, so I settled for using a comfortable nook in Tai's shoulder-blade to do it for me.

I found myself unable to form words as I indulged in Tai's comforting embrace, so I settled for a subtle, "Ta-a-gh-ii-i," with small hiccups and sobs punctuating my desperate cry. _'Why didn't I realise sooner? I could have stopped it somehow! Why!'_

Tai responded in a very rough, hoarse voice with an, "It's okay now, Koushirou. You're here. You're here with me. You're okay." _'Oh Tai what would I do without you? I've barely know you for two __days yet you're here. Holding me. Consoling me. Saving me.'_

I would have been content to rest my head on Tai's warm, welcoming body for the remainder of the day – now night - but I had to finish my story. _'I need to finish. I've come this far it would be foolish to stop now.'_

It pained me to see Tai experience such vicarious despair, but I could tell that I would and already was greatly benefiting from talking through my problems rather than keeping them stored up inside me. He seemed to understand as he didn't say a word when I returned to my original position on the deathly-red sofa we were sitting on. _'Almost finished. Almost there. I just have to do this last bit and then the rest can wait for later.'_

Tai gave me a knowing look with his soft brown eyes, a knowing look that was nothing like the knowing look I received from a certain "Uncle" when I was ten. _'I could sit and stare at Tai all day but I need to do this.' _I closed my eyes, similar to the way I close them when I act like an emotionless machine, except this time I let every emotion – every feeling – vocalise itself as I continued my story.

_**-Flashback/Story progression-**_

Ten year-old Koushirou didn't dare move. He lay motionless in his own pool of urine in a vain attempt to remain hidden – clinging to the nebulous hope that if he remained still the darkness would conceal him, hide him from the man he knew was in the room.

He was all too aware of the dangerous villain lurking within the blackness. There was no doubt in his mind that the man who had outwitted his parents and trapped him within his current prison was prowling around, intentions unknown.

Although he couldn't discern the true intentions of the man, he could guess at the general nature of them – none of them pleasant. Although he had no proof in the current situation, he could still gander at the crude plan of action the blonde-haired antagonist was following through.

His months of deceit and careful planning were finally coming to fruition. His laborious "partying" with Koushirou's parents, his tolling façade of friendship with Mr and Mrs Izumi, his initial gaining of the families trust through Koushirou himself; All of these factors leading to the blue eyed bandit's current power over them.

The twisted ankle that Koushirou had developed as he fell into the room didn't hurt. Neither did the recently received graze that was inflicted upon Koushirou's face as it smashed into the wooden flooring. In fact, even the bite mark that penetrated through his lower lip - cracking several of his teeth in the process – that was received as his mouth absorbed the impact delivered no significant pain.

Koushirou did, however, experience the most agonising and gut-wrenching pain he had ever experienced in his life so far as he was struck by raw guilt. It tortured him more than the splinters embedded in his cheeks. It burnt him more than the friction burns that charred his shoulders. It revolted him more than his unsanitary garments of clothing.

He squirmed as he realised that _he_ had allowed this man, this "Uncle Ish", to enter the family. He cringed as he understood the opportunity that _he_ presented that allowed the Harmonica player to worm his way into their lives. He shuddered as he comprehended the danger that _he_ had caused to befall his family

Koushirou had trusted the man. His family had trusted the man.

A new wave of emotions washed over younger Koushirou as he contemplated his betrayed trust. His pain was dulled, absolved by his new feelings. He clung to them, allowing himself to be submerged in their painkilling effect. He didn't care what they were, or know what effect they would have on him when he was older, but through his desperation he permitted these unknown emotions to carry his true self away.

His new-found hatred and loathing redirected his pain towards the man. His discovered bitterness towards his situation lessened his guilt. His advancing arrogance allowed him to think less of others, less of trust and its betrayal. And most of all, his overbearing robotic demeanour – inward and outward – allowed him to move, to operate, in an icy cool manner that would affect him for years to come.

He was no longer little ten year-old Koushirou. He was changed.

Icy Koushirou no longer hurt. He no longer felt guilt. He no longer believed in trust. He no longer cared for others. He no longer concerned himself with the well-being of his parents. He did, however, care about a certain middle-aged, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, clean shaven, glove wearing, Harmonica playing man who was hiding within the room he currently occupied.

He only cared for "Uncle Ish". He only cared to remove him from existence. He only cared to avenge his broken trust in the most painful and torturous method he could conceive. Before he could inflict such damage upon the man, though, he first had to locate him. That proved impossible to robotic Koushirou at that moment in time as he was situated in an extremely low visibility situation.

He had to turn the light on. Now.

New Koushirou blatantly ignored the dangers of being caught as he crawled across the bedroom floor. He splashed through what was most likely a pool of urine or alcohol – not that he cared, anyway – with the express purpose of reaching the light switch on the other side of the room.

The terrain that the Koushirou on a mission traversed varied as he made his way across the room. What should have been only several tens of paces was taking him longer than necessary, as he had to manoeuvre around furniture which was strewn across the room amongst other obstacles.

In the back of his mind, Koushirou knew that something further was wrong with the situation. He was making enough noise to be noticed, so why wasn't he being attacked or captured? Ignoring the errant thought, he continued on his one-track destination to the furthest wall in the room. The traitor had to be identified. The traitor had to be dealt with.

As he blindly crawled over a sideways chair, Koushirou found himself encountering a new, more problematic hindrance. Broken glass, presumably broken bottles of alcohol, littered his route. Unaffected by the new threat, Koushirou mechanically plodded forwards.

He ignored the rough yet sharp glass as it shredded his limbs and nightclothes to pieces. The pain was negligible and the warm sensation of blood coating his skin was only a minor inconvenience. Regardless, bloody Koushirou continued crawling forwards, multiplying the vicious lacerations that coated his body – unaware that his experience that night would affect his dreams and nightmares for a long time to come.

Reaching the wall, he tried to find purchase on nearby furniture in order to increase his height. It was unlikely that he could reach the switch from his current prone position. Utilising his non-twisted leg he balanced himself precariously on a three legged chair and reached out, hands skimming the wall to feel out for the switch.

Whilst searching for the small switch box installed in the wall a thoroughly battered Koushirou began to wobble on the chair, gravity threatening to impale him on dangerously positioned glass beneath. The chair swayed in imbalance, tipping to the side just as Koushirou found the edge of the light switch.

He stopped and removed his hand for a small moment in time as he attempted to balance himself on his unreliable platform. Steadying the chair, he reached out for the small box again. He had to find that man. He was in the room somewhere.

Then the light was on. Both of Koushirou's hands lightly placed on the wall, he turned to the switch. His shock was visible as his gaze was greeted by a pair of familiar, knowing eyes.

Reflexively to the surprise, Koushirou's arms recoiled to cover his body in an instinctive defensive position. Then he soon found himself falling to the ground once again, losing his battle against gravity as the man he wished to end judged him whilst he toppled down to the glass-littered floor.

_**-Suspend flashback-**_

"Koushirou, you don't need to go on any further! You don't need to tell me any more!" Tai pleaded with me, an innumerable number of emotions thickly layered within his whispered voice. It was apparent that he didn't want to know how I would reach the end of my story, he didn't want me to recall the severely troubling incident that had me in my current state. _'I don't want to go any further either, Tai, but I have to. This is important.'_

I was currently, what could only be called, an emotional state. If the tear stains that coated my face and Tai's black shirt was anything to go by, then I really was in a state of hysteria. The large wet patch on his shirt from where my tear exuding face had been nestled against his warm, accepting chest was a visible reminder of Tai's friendship – a symbol of the support that Tai had provided.

Instead of trying to explain to Tai why I should continue, I decided to settle for shaking my head in a negative acknowledgement against his front. It would have been idiotic to try and formulate an intelligent response anyway, as my voice would likely waiver and fail.

Tai noticed my response of rubbing my face against his solid, refined pectoral muscles and decided to voice his own opinion at my decision with a low whimper. The action vibrated by face, keeping it warm and lulling me into his sense of security once again. The deep, throaty, purr-like noise spurred me on, provided me with the required energy, in order to conclude my story.

He winced as I pulled away from his chest, his grip tightening around my back. _'I know it hurts, Tai, but this must be done. We've came so far already.' _I turned meet his red, weary eyes with my own, ready to end the story. I opened my mouth to speak, but Tai interrupted me by patting his lap and pulling me over to sit.

I didn't decline his comforting offer, allowing myself to sit on him, leaning into his warmth and momentarily closing my eyes. _'Oh Tai, what would I do without you?' _He placed a tanned hand upon my head, gently pressing my face further against his toned body.

I didn't bother to maintain eye-contact as I started again, allowing my eyes to focus on one of Tai's burly shoulders as I curled against him. '_Nearly done, lets go.'_

_**-Flashback/Story progression-**_

A startled Koushirou found himself tumbling down towards several keen shards of glass, the unexpectedness of his current predicament stopping his arms from bracing the fall as he tumbled forwards towards the impending threat.

He quickly considered the motives of the man he desired so badly to destroy as he fell. Assuming he had incapacitated his parents, via alcohol or other more unpleasant method, that would still mean that he would have to deal with Koushirou himself – which he was currently doing. The one thing that bugged Koushirou, though, was the logic of the assailant.

If he was after money then he simply could have incapacitated Koushirou by now and taken everything that he desired, so why let things play out the way they were? Something was off, _way _off, that Koushirou failed to realise. But his train of thought stopped dead in its tracks is he collided with the floor... and a crudely shaped piece of glass.

Falling into the room hadn't hurt Koushirou, well, not much. But as the long, thin shard of glass sliced into the right hand side of his chest, it was clear that he felt pain. He felt a _lot _of pain, and not the emotional kind.

It was the way the glass slid passed his skin like it didn't exist, the way it cut through his flesh with ease, it was the way it tore through and embedded itself in his muscle with menace and prejudice. And it hurt. It hurt like a _bitch_.

Koushirou's back arched as he whimpered and squealed, a vain attempt at reducing his weight being applied to the glass. He began thrashing around on the floor, the piece of glass now protruding from the right of his chest, writhing in pain at its intrusion.

He couldn't cope with this much physical pain. It was too much. It was overwhelming.

In an attempt to distract himself from his probably fatal wound his eyes darted around the room, analysing every image, every piece of information he could find. He looked at the door, he looked at the furniture, he looked at the glass. It was all out of place. Something didn't quite make sense but Koushirou couldn't discern what it was as the pain grabbed his attention once again.

He tried to move the glass, first he pulled it out a minuscule amount and then pushed it back in. He had no idea what to do with a wound like this. He didn't know if he would live or not. Koushirou chose to utilise what he considered as limited time to deal with the man who betrayed his trust.

His eyes slowly began dragging over to where his target, his "Uncle", had surprised him with his appearance, but abruptly stopped as he noticed that he was looming over him. Chagrin flushed through him as he initially believed that he would be unable to exact his revenge, but as the man raised his heavy black boot he realised that he had more important things to worry about.

Their eyes met; the deceiver and the deceived. Knowing and judgemental eyes met pained and furious ones.

Koushirou could barely contain his rage, he was within touching distance of the man who had lied about every fabric of his being, breaking a sacred bond of trust as he opposed the Izumi family. He was, however, powerless to stop him. Powerless to stop him as he stole from his family, powerless to stop him as he incapacitated his parents, powerless to stop him as he betrayed his trust and powerless to stop him as he ground the heel of his shoe into the glass that pieced his chest.

What could only be described as a wail of despair escaped Koushirou's lips. The pain was immense, threatening to overtake his sight and consciousness. As he met eyes with the man again, he almost thought he seen a perverse smile on his face and a small, almost energetic, gleam highlighting his knowing eyes. But that couldn't have been right, maybe the pain was affecting his eyesight more than he thought.

Koushirou could feel every fibre of tissue being brutally stretched and sliced. Every slight movement of the blonde-haired man's foot caused a volcano of spasms and pain to erupt. He decided amongst his desperate gasps for breath and screams of pain that he would, if given the chance, kill the man with his bare hands if he could. He couldn't get away with this.

The torturer gifted Koushirou a few moments respite as he removed his foot from the now completely embedded glass. This allowed him a few moments to return to a fully conscious state, enabling him to think once more.

Something didn't fit, there was still some elusive piece of data that he had failed to accrue that was truly bothering him. Something significant, something weighty. His thoughts were reduced to dust yet again, though, as another heavy black boot delivered a momentous stomp into his stomach, pinning him to the floor and the surrounding glass.

The pain was less this time, it was spread out over other parts of his body as well as the internal bleeding in his abdomen caused by the foot. Koushirou couldn't stay pinned and receive this punishment, he couldn't be maimed or killed by the man that betrayed him. He couldn't. He _wouldn't._

Koushirou tried to sit up, he tried to raise the man's foot off of him. It was so heavy though, he didn't have the muscle power to do it. He considered just lying where he was and being beaten to a pummel when all of a sudden he decided that he was _not _going to take it any more.

He converted all his rage, all his guilt, bitterness and pain into power and energy. He _would not_ be put down by this man. He _would not_ idly sit and receive such beatings. He _would_ fight against the blue-eyed deceiver, even if it was futile.

Koushirou's sudden burst of energy caught the man by surprise, causing him to lose his balance and move off the child. Using his momentary freedom to his advantage, a pumped-up, very pissed off and wound-riddled Koushirou stood up to glare at the man who had mercilessly tortured him.

He found that his glare weakened as a clearly audible tearing noise sounded throughout the room, its source his foot. His foot was twisted. His foot was sore. His foot was _really_ fucking sore.

Koushirou felt defeated by the loud show of weakness that his foot had revealed and had to bite back a scream – further tearing up his bottom lip. Despite his apparent weakness, he decided it was best to approach the man in an aggressive manner, whom was watching with an expression of wicked amusement.

Ish seemed to relish the noise made every time Koushirou made a step towards him, physically shivering in appreciation at the tearing. This confused the injured Koushirou as he couldn't comprehend why the man who had previously been about to kill him had casually walked away into an adjacent room, but he followed anyway.

He was just about to curse at the man – something he hadn't ever done before – as he entered the room, when he saw the sight before him. His parent's were sitting, or rather, were placed, on individual wooden tables. Koushirou gagged as he noticed the state his parent's were in.

He vomited, a multitude of food and blood, as he gawked at his parents. His lifeless parents. His parents that were in even worse physical condition that he was. Another stream of yellow punctuated his pyjama trousers as he noticed the wide variety of ornaments that had been used to mutilate his parents.

His attention was brought back the the man, the murderer, as all the missing pieces of information clicked together in his head. He wasn't here for the money – at least not solely the money – he was here for his own perverted and sick minded murder game. He didn't want their fortune. He wanted their lives. He wanted to torture them. He wanted to torture _him_.

The murderer simply stood, arms crossed, amused expression on his face as he judged Koushirou, giving him that familiar knowing look that he was all too used to. He then knew, at that point, that fighting was ridiculous. Pride didn't matter at that moment. His parents didn't matter at that moment. Even betrayed trust didn't matter. All that mattered was he survived – that he escaped the crazy bastard before he got chopped up any more.

A now fleeing Koushirou took a tentative step backwards. Then another. Then another. His retracing of his steps did not go unnoticed though, as Ish the murderer decided to slowly pace over with that smile and those eyes.

Ish's slow advancement caused a sudden burst of adrenaline to flow throughout Koushirou, who was now blatantly attempting to run from the murderer. He ran back to the bedroom, his ankle twisting and tearing even more than before. Koushirou didn't care any more, he didn't feel it. His instincts were screaming at him to run. The instinct of flight overran every other thought he may have had, any pain he may have felt.

Slicing the soles of his feet open on the glass, he ran passed the light switch where the murderer had startled him. It was so blatantly obvious as he ran through the maze he previously crawled through, startlingly obvious that this was all some crude game planned to hurt and torture. He jumped over the last of the furniture that created the maze as he reached the door.

The door where he had finally realised that something odd had occurred. The door where had been ambushed by the murderer. And now it was the door that he finally realised that the murderer was chasing him.

He slid through the gap in the door, buying him a few more seconds if nothing else, as he jumped into the corridor. He didn't know where to go, he would be outrun. He didn't know what to do, he would be out muscled. That's when Koushirou realised that the only way he would live was if he got help. How would he get help? He gnawed at his tattered bottom lip, running down the corridor back the way he came. That's when he got an idea.

He could never forget the state of the art fire detection his parents had installed in the house. If he needed help then the best way to do so would definitely be through that system. He fervently hoped that it lived up to its claim of a high-speed response system as he hopped into the bathroom, apparently having lost his pursuer for the time being.

He had a plan, he knew what to do now, all he had to do was do it and pray the murderer didn't catch him. Or that he got electrocuted. A quick glance in the mirror revealed the state of Koushirou's appearance.

His nightwear, now completely blood-red and urine-yellow was clinging to his body by very few fine, frayed threads. What surprised him as he looked at his chest in the mirror, was the almost invisible aspect of the glass embedded there. It helped to know that the wound wasn't bleeding outrageously but he was unnerved by the camouflage aspect of the glass, almost making his wound appear less severe than it actually was – a long, thin, horizontal line several centimetres above his right nipple.

Koushirou grabbed what he needed; his own unique cup that he used for brushing his teeth – his favourite one that was decorated with a weird and wonderful variety of cartoon insects. Filling the cup up to the brim with water, he glanced at the fire detection system next to the digital clock, ensuring that it was operating.

When he was sure that the green light meant on, he rushed to his room, fervently hoping that the murderer was still lost within the multitude of other rooms. Entering the room, he was relieved to find it unoccupied. He at least had a few more moments.

His plan was simple, but he wasn't sure if it would work. He put it into action by turning on the overloaded TV socket in the wall, ensuring that it had as many appliances plugged in as possible. The next step was also simple, yet equally dangerous. He carefully yet quickly tossed the contents of his cup at the socket, hoping – _praying_ – that it would start a fire.

Koushirou was no expert in the field of electronics at the age of ten, but he _was _aware of fuses within circuits which were specifically designed to prevent fires. His sceptical attitude quickly melted away though, when he noticed the smoke spewing from the plugs, along with the small sparks licking the wall. He was a natural at starting electrical fires.

He didn't wait to see if the fire had started as he was already back in the corridor running for the furthest room he could find, his handicap foot flapping around in numbness. His morbid anxiety disappeared in a puff of smoke as the emergency fire alarm system sounded throughout the house. Just as he was about to retreat into a room and furthermore a fire escape, he found himself face to face with the man who murdered his parents once again.

They stared at each other for a moment; Koushirou and Ish. Koushirou delivering a promising and vengeful glare as Ish retaliated with his signature knowing look and a slight hint of frustration. They stared, had their wordless conversation, as the fire alarm bleeped throughout the house.

Ish was all to aware of the system, and knew fine well how quickly someone would arrive to deal with the situation. He didn't know if he could catch and kill the boy within the eight minutes it would take for the fire service to arrive, but he didn't want to find out.

A final judging and knowing look, a perverse wink, and then he was gone – Lost within the smoke.

Koushirou escaped out the fire exit before he breathed in any smoke, but had the agonising privilege of watching his house burn down, charring his parents mutilated bodies along with his torturous assault course, all the while bleeding out himself from his many wounds.

From a nearby hill, he painstakingly watched as his house burned down. He watched as his home was destroyed, watched as his dead parents were cremated, watched as the traitor escaped. As Koushirou watched, he may not have realised at the time but his life was burning down too. The old, happy, innocent Koushirou was lost somewhere in the building, being razed to the ground with the rest of his life. Koushirou had died somewhere in that fire, all that was left was a shell of a being.

A soulless Koushirou idly viewed the fire as it spread, lost in his own thoughts. On that fateful day he made a promise - well two promises, really.

The first of which was that if he ever seen that conniving, life destroying murderer know as Ish he was going to make him pay. He was going to put him through something ten times worse than what he had dealt. He promised to torture him, to kill him slowly and painfully in revenge of his parents.

The second, and possibly the more significant promise that he made was one which he would break in a few years time. A rule that would be broken twice; once when he bonded with a certain purple haired girl and once when he shared his past with a brown-haired, brown-eyed room-mate. He vowed to never trust, to never grow close to another. He never _ever_ wanted to experience the despair and emptiness that accompanied the betrayal of trust. Not again.

The remains of his tattered clothing did little to shield him from the icy cool wind that numbed his skin, the breeze allowing the pieces of fabric to whip and snap under its influence. Looking down through his barely visible attire, he studied the piece of glass buried within his chest.

He contemplated the fragment, knowing all too well of the scar it would leave behind on his body. Raising his hand over the wound, he made a silent contract with his deceased parents. He internally agreed that he would remember his parents. He would remember their love. He would remember their pain. But most of all, he would remember the knowing look of the man that ruined everything.

He would remember, and his scar would be a visual reminder of this. He placed his hand on the wound and closed his eyes, his energy was fading fast but he needed to remember every last detail of the event.

Mentally logging the traumatic events that had killed his life, he heard some noise in the distance. Koushirou, unable to hold on to consciousness any longer, didn't wait for the sirens to approach before he was enveloped in a dreamless and blissful unconscious respite.

_**-End Flashback-**_

"They never did catch that bastard," I concluded in my whispering tone, drifting from sleepiness, to aggression, to calmness. It was comfortable lying on Tai as he rocked me back and forth, feeling soothed and reassured. _'Too bad there's even more to go, but I'm too tired to talk, maybe tomorrow.'_

We were way past the stage of crying, our distress draining both our bodies of the energy to cry, so we settled for small sentences or actions. Tai slowly and paternally stroked my hair as we rocked, holding me close to him as if to protect me from an unknown threat.

_'I feel so much better now. That was worth it. But still, I wonder what Tai meant when he said that everyone has a past?'_ I decided to risk asking him. "Tai? Can you tell me _your _past tomorrow? And tell me what happened to me _today_?"

He stopped rocking. I could feel his eyes look at me, judging me, but it was a good kind of judgement. He started rocking back and forth again and responded in a small voice with a quiet, "Only if you tell me about Miyako Inoue." _'Ahh so I really was talking in my sleep earlier.'_

Now it was my turn to look and judge. _'All you had to do was ask, Tai. How could I say no to you?' _I decided it best to push my luck at that moment and tried to delve deeper into the past of Tai, "And Sora?"

There was a soft sigh as Tai started stroking my hair more thoroughly, responding with a calming, "And Sora," but followed it with an awkward, "but only if you tell me about your adopted parents." _'He probably already knows half the story, anyway, why not?'_

I nudged a soft nod at his chest and confirmed his statement with a low-pitched "Mm-hmm." I could feel myself losing focus, I was going to fall asleep. I could feel it. _'He's just so damn comfy.' _Deciding not to fight the urge to fall asleep on my Tai pillow I placed his arms around me.

He didn't seem to mind me wrapping arms around me, but as I placed his hand on the scar over the right hand side of my chest, I heard him mutter a sincere yet sluggish, "I'm sorry Koushirou. I truly am. For everything."

One last tear drop escaped my eyes as Tai apologised. _'Why are you apologising, Tai? You are the nicest someone has ever been to me... Except maybe Miyako, but...' _My thoughts slowed to an incomprehensible speed as I melted away in Tai's warm embrace. Drifting off to a peaceful sleep.

* * *

_**Author Note:** So, how did you all like the chapter? Was is sensitive enough? Enough fluff? Enough realism? Too much gore? I'd really appreciate it if you could tell me what you thought via review, pm or e-mail. On a side note; Did you see the broken glass from last chapter's dream? The electrical fires from chapter 1? The darkness too? Was it a good idea or too deep? I'm going to need to have a good think about next chapter before I start it, things are getting tricky. Please hit me with some constructive criticism, I love it! _

Happy reading,

~shmoo~


	4. A reject and a traitor

_**Author Note: **__Sorry if you think Tai and Koushirou are progressing too quickly... I'll try and justify that this chapter. We already know about Koushirou's mental instability and new-found reliance on Tai, but why is Tai so fond of him? This chapter is from Tai's point of view, just to spice things up. It'll hopefully be a gore-free recovery from the last one._

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own Digimon or any aspect of the Digimon world or franchise and gain no profit from writing this Taishirou Fan Fiction._

_**Warning: **This story does or will contain; yaoi/boy love/malexmale sex – not this chapter... as much as I actually **was** tempted to write it :P - along with strong language, adult themes, blood, gore, sad origin stories and probably flashbacks (I warn you, it's my new guilty pleasure :L). Apologies if I've missed anything. This whole fic is a crazy experiment of mine that's gone horribly right :]_

"Speech"

_'Thoughts'_

_**'Italic thoughts'**_

* * *

_**Chapter 4; A reject and a traitor**_

Tai was abruptly woken by a crushing pain in his abdomen. _'Ow-ow-ow-ow-what-the?' _Shifting his weight slightly to the right, he observed the source of his sleep-disturbing pain. _'Thanks for almost killing me, Koushirou.' _

Noticing the slumbering state of his non-robotic friend, he decided it best to remain still and quiet in a bid to allow him to rest. He settled for viewing him as he slept, the dim glow from a distant lamp augmenting his appearance.

_'I can't believe all that happened to you. You don't deserve it. You need someone to rely upon, someone who you can trust-...'_

"You need me."

Tai panicked as he realised that his low and almost inaudible voice had affected his sleeping companion. _'Ah don't-wake-up don't-wake-up!' _Koushirou rolled over, almost seeking out Taichi's voice as he fully applied his weight to his front.

_'Ow...crushing...me...' _Another precise shuffle to the side relieved the brunet of his inability to breathe. _'That was a close one!'_ Reassured by Koushirou's steady snoring, he continued to absorb his appearance; memorising yet simultaneously remembering the aspects.

_'The way he breathes...' _Tai intently stared as Koushirou's small chest slowly raised then lowered, his breathing pattern scarily familiar.

_'The way he twitches...' _The red-head's leg twitched into Tai's in a memorable way, almost as if on cue to his thought.

_'The way he looks...' _Soaking in the full form of Koushirou, Taichi almost recognised the angular body parts slightly jutting out of the boy's thin clothing.

_'Even the way he snores!' _It was difficult for the brunet not to notice the ridiculous noises being made by the one pinning him to the sofa; from the quiet snores the the high pitched mewls.

A small yet distinctly sad smile developed on Tai's face as he speculated about the aspects of the teenager currently on top of him. The way he looked, the way he slept, even the way he curled against and clung to Tai. It reminded him of someone, someone he rather wouldn't remember.

_'You are both so alike, Koushirou. When I first saw you I almost thought you **were** him. I can't forgive myself for doing that to him. I can't believe I shunned him because of my own idiocy. I'm such an idiot, Koushirou. If only you knew who you were trusting.'_

Tai furrowed his brow in thought, contemplating his past, his actions, his guilt. _'It pained me, it __**still **__pains me, to know that I hurt you that way. I don't know who Koushirou's "Inoue Miyako" is but I bet that she isn't even a scratch on me. I bet nobody could ever be as bad a friend as I was.'_

A tiny tear floated down the brunet's pained face as he relived his past. '_I'm sorry Agumon, I should have never have done that to you. You deserved better from me.'_

Taichi allowed a further tear-drop to join its counterpart in streaming down his face as he thought. What could only be described as a remorseful expression was portrayed on his face as he began to reminisce about his past, his friend, his betrayal.

_**-Start Flashback-**_

Thirteen year-old Taichi was rudely awoken by the putrid taste that had enveloped his mouth. It took him only a moment to identify the source of the contamination, his tongue brushing against something soft, something fluffy, something that tasted _bad_!

"Umph. Whum thm hemph!" Launching himself up on his current platform, a bed, he distastefully spat the offending object from his mouth. In the moonlit room he heatedly glared at the fluffy wakeup call.

_'Why the heck was **that **in my mouth!' _He recognised the orange article that had caused him to taste such a foul flavour; directing the full force of his petulant attitude towards it.

_'What was a **sock **doing in my mouth!' _Just as he began attempting to discern the motives of the sock – now helplessly lying on the floor – his attention was redirected towards a nearby movement.

_'Ah.' _It all made sense to Tai at that moment, his situation returning to his memory.

Sitting back down on his bed, he watched with an amused expression the new thing in front of him. He found some sort of comedic solace as the organism before him writhed and squirmed. _'Take that, that's what you get!'_

A satisfactory smile graced his lips as he watched the naked, helpless foot squirm and flail around in search of the sock. _'Justice!' _Tai inwardly declared as he watched the limb search for shelter from the harsh, unforgiving cold that nipped throughout the room.

Removing the remnants of the crude-tasting socks after-taste by licking his pyjama arm, the brown-haired child decided to fulfil his vengeful ambitions even more as he planned his next move. After all, the foot _had _to have an owner.

_'You'll regret this, Agumon!' _A low, sinister chuckle escaped Tai's lips as he reached towards the other boy. The malice of his intentions was hidden in the dark of the night as he outstretched his arm, fingertips searching for the other boy's foot. A solitary, "heh," was the only warning of what was about to happen, the havoc that Tai would wreak.

A blood-curdling squeal resonated throughout the room, reverberating off of the dark red bedroom walls. Tai was getting Agumon back, he was in the process of enacting his revenge.

"Aaiaah!" Agumon screamed in a distinctly high pitched voice. It wasn't surprising to Taichi, however, as he was latched onto his foot administering his inhumane method of torture.

"Plea-he-he-se! Sto-hu-p!" Wiggling away did no good, Tai had him pinned to the bed, fingers dancing along his exposed foot. The wrestle lasted for several moments, with Tai showing no clear signs of relenting, so Agumon _had_ to do something. He didn't know if he could survive the tickle-torture much longer.

Enjoying his position of power, Taichi continued attacking his friend's foot with his menacing ministrations. _'Haha! Take that Agum-...' _ "Oomph!" Tai relinquished his hold on the smaller boy as they both landed on the unforgiving wooden floor.

"Oo~w! Agumon that hurt!" As he turned to the orange-clad child, Taichi scowled. "Agumon why did you d-..."

"Hah. Heh heh. Hah heh heh. Hahaha!" Tai was about to question the boy's sudden giddiness, but he went on to explain himself, "Hmhm, your face!" As he continued his chortling, Agumon decided just to show Tai rather than continue his justification.

_'What the heck is he lau-... I don't look like that do I! Heh. He he.' _The brunet's frown melted into something more soft as his thoughts echoed into his voice, "Heh. Hehe. Mhmha! Agumon, I do _not_, heh, look like that!"

The serious undertone to Tai's voice must have pushed Agumon over the edge, as he burst into hysterical laughter, unable to maintain the ridiculous expression that he was mimicking. "Pfft! Hahha! Aa~ahh!"

Mirroring his companion's outburst, Tai's laughter morphed into a morbid series of chuckles. _'Aw Agumon you always know how to crack me up!' _As their maniacal chortling slightly subsided, they began entering a phase of hiccup laughter.

It was oddly comfortable for Tai to roll around on the floor with his buddy, even though the floor itself was exerting enough force to cause pain in his back. "Aww Agumon-, hic, I think I might-, hic, die if I-, hah, don't stop laugh-, huh, ing."

Taichi closed his eyes, hoping that the cries of hilarity would relent. And they did, allowing them to lie intertwined on the ground in mutual silence. It was calming yet at the same time Tai's mind was reeling from his sudden burst of adrenaline. He lay there, comfortable yet uncomfortable, calm yet energetic.

He was drawn out of his nonsensical state, however, as the door of the room abruptly opened. The light scuffling noise it made as it gently scraped against the floor grabbing both boys' attention. _'What the eff!' _Squinting his eyes, he managed to discern certain facts regarding the situation.

They were alone in the building. It was very late at night. The doors may or may not have been locked.

These facts wouldn't normally have affected Taichi, but combined with the information that his eyes were relaying to his brain, it certainly did. It affected him enough to make him dig his fingernails into the wooden flooring.

Somebody was in the house.

It took a short moment for the brown haired boy to blink back to attention, apparently having been lost in thought. He and Agumon must have been thinking along the same lines, as they stared at the doorway that arched over the room.

A moderately tall figure stood before them, its burly outline glowing faintly blue due to the light radiating in through a nearby window.

Taichi and Agumon froze, their light-hearted attitude replaced with an acute awareness of danger. Their instincts told them to run but there was nowhere for them to run to, nowhere to go. They both shot panicked glances at each other in the dim light, not one of them daring to move.

_'Oh god! We're going to die! There's a criminal slinking around the house and we're going to be his next victims!' _Taichi cringed at his line of thought, which was cut short as the figure raised a shadow of an arm.

_'Aah!' _Tai inwardly screamed as the person's raised arm appeared to be holding a long object, some form of crude weapon, no doubt. His thoughts raced, seeking a rational explanation or a way to escape or a battle plan – something to save himself! _'Maybe he only wants to take stuff, maybe he only wants money, I'm sure Agumon could distract him with that. After all, it **is **his home, maybe he has a plan? Yes. If we can bribe him with somethin-...'_

Click

Taichi's sealed his eyes, fear overwhelming his better sense of judgement. He just wanted it to be all over, he just wanted to disappear and forget all about this.

_**-Suspend Flashback-**_

Taichi jumped back to reality, a startlingly cold sweat sticking Koushirou to him. _'Ow. Koushirou you're going to break me.' _Looking to his side, he watched with a half-pained half-mirthful expression as his friend crushed his arm.

Noticing his pain-inflicting and awkward position, the brunet moved the red-head to a more natural position, one which allowed him to breathe properly as opposed to inhaling the sofa. '_I suppose I better save you from suffocation.' _

Tai settled for placing his friend onto his right hand side. _'That's.. comfy..' _It was mildly surprising for the teen as he noticed that Koushirou and he slotted together near-perfectly. It was soothing, calming for Tai to allow his companion to rest on his right thigh, it easily fitting between his sleeping buddy's legs.

_'mmhh.' _Inwardly sighing, Tai allowed the foreign yet memorable sensation that was Koushirou to flow throughout his system. The warm yet cool feeling, the invigorating yet calming buzz, the selfish yet want-less desire to protect.

The chemistry.

Neither of them realised it, but they were the perfect counterpart for one another. Koushirou was to Miyako just like Agumon was to Taichi. Koushirou was fit to work with Taichi and vice versa; much like interchangeable puzzle pieces.

_'I can feel myself slipping awa~ay.' _Tai melodically informed his consciousness of his progressively sleepy state. _'Wait.. I can't fall asleep without properly thinking about Agumon. Where did I go wrong? Why did I fly off the handle? Why didn't I see it coming!'_

Opting to remain awake and shed some light on his past, Tai chose to replay the crucial moment in which he lost his best friend within his mind.

_**-Resume Flashback-**_

Taichi flinched, the unexpected click making him close his eyes for a brief moment. _'What the heck was that!' _Inwardly cussing and hoping, the young teenager somehow managed to muster up the courage to open his eyes.

He was initially shocked at what he saw, or more specifically the _lack_ of what he saw. A blinding light illuminated the room, stabbing pain into the deep recesses of his eyes. But he wanted to see, _needed _to see, the source of the disturbance.

_'Ok.. You can do this, Tai. You're going to make a break for the door as soon as you can see. You're going to escape. You're going to be okay.'_

His vision returned in small increments, first allowing him to see that Agumon - whom he was clinging to - was in an equally dazed condition, then permitting him to see that the light had been turned on, then finally granting him the luxury of seeing a hand on a light switch.

_'No way.. I can't do this.. We're going to be beaten to a damn pulp!'_

Exploring the origins of the hand that inflicted the debilitating light, Tai saw the weapon being held in the opposite hand.

_'A blue aluminium baseball bat. Yep. We're dead. No point in denying it, now.'_

Time seemed to slow as the rest of the man was revealed. He appeared to be young, possibly early twenties or late teens. This only succeeded in throwing Taichi into further internal pandemonium. Definitely muscular, as predicted. But the one thing that spurred a glimmer of hope to shine in the back of Tai's mind was the fact that the man, too, was blinded.

He tried to identify the man before he began his sprint, but his eyes wouldn't allow it. _'I just need to see his face!'_

One final strain of his eyes and Tai could finally see fully, and apparently so could everyone else.

Everyone took a moment to pause, to judge each other.

Everyone froze, shocked at what they judged.

Everyone exhaled, suddenly realising that they had been holding their breath.

Everyone's breath shuddered, raw emotions exiting their bodies.

Everyone's emotions mirrored each other;

Fear

Despair

Disbelief

Relief

Tai's jaw hung open. His previous fears now dismissed as relief cleansed his mind.

_'We're safe.' _His mental voice cracked as he processed the revelation.

_'It's only Grey. We're okay. We're not going to be killed.' _The three teenagers gawked at each other, slightly more mollified expressions appraising one another.

A dishevelled Taichi sat, still holding Agumon, and closed his eyes. He needed a moment to think, a moment to recuperate from the stressful ordeal.

_**-Suspend Flashback-**_

Returning to the present, Taichi's eyes remained closed._ 'Heh, Grey almost looked as frightened as us back then. I wish things had ended there.' _

Tai's arms were now wrapped around Koushirou's waist. He wanted to protect him, to shield him from any more hurt or pain. He wanted to compensate for losing Agumon. He _never _wanted to hurt anyone like he hurt Agumon.

His hands were pressing into the red-headed teenagers chest, applying enough pressure so that they gently sunk through his thin shirt and into his smooth pale skin. He wanted to mentally map out Koushirou. He never wanted to forget him, or Agumon.

Sensing Koushirou's steady heartbeat, Taichi allowed himself to be consoled. His defensive nature subsided as his fingers gently rolled over his friend's front, until eventually settling over his right hand side.

Right over Koushirou's scar.

Massaging above his still peacefully asleep friend's right breast, Tai recalled the final part of his story; The most painful and agonising part of all.

_'I'm such a bad person, Agumon. I hope you're all right.'_

_**-Resume Flashback-**_

The silence remained heavy, only removed as Grey released a weighty sigh and a low whistle.

His eyes were laden with moisture, a by-product of his apparent stress. His usual tanned skin was now a frail white, almost appearing to be drained of life. To say he looked as if he had just seen a ghost would have been a drastic understatement.

Agumon could merely stare at his eighteen year-old brother with numerous emotions spattered across his face. Taichi could easily see he was relieved, that much was apparent. But there was also an undercurrent of something else... _'Annoyance? More fear?'_

A cold chuckle escaped from Taichi, Agumon's expression reviving the remains of their previous laughing bout. Before he could process the repercussions of his actions, however, Agumon and Grey were staring at him. And they looked _pissed off._

Stifling another inappropriate snicker, Tai looked from Agumon to Grey. Agumon seemed annoyed, but not necessarily at Taichi, it was more just a generalised irritation. Grey, however, was livid. _'Wow. Grey looks pretty ticked-off, maybe we will still die.' _In fact, it almost looked as if the other brown-haired teenager was about to speak.

"Agumon. Kitchen. Now."

Agumon stood, fast, as Tai finally released him. He scraped his socked foot off of the floor as he followed behind his brother, marching into the nearby room. He didn't dare say anything to his brother, he didn't want to push him too far into his state of rage.

_'Uh oh. I hope I didn't get him into trouble.'_

Attempting to eavesdrop on what was being said, Tai moved towards where his friend had been summoned to. His concentration was visible as he tried to listen, but apparently he didn't need to focus in order to hear.

"What if I was a real burglar! Agumon you can't just invite friends over to stay when I'm not around!"

_'Oh no. I suppose I'm to blame for this, too. Maybe I should have been more responsible and said I couldn't stay, oh crap.'_

"You should have asked for my permission, you _knew _that I would be out. I hoped that by the age of thirteen I would be able to leave you for one night, _one night, _without you doing anything reckless."

_'I suppose he has a point, there. Maybe it would have been best if I invited Agumon over to **my** house while Grey was away out.'_

"Agumon. Do you know how terrified I was when I heard you screaming as I came in? You're lucky I don't beat you up with this baseball bat _myself!_

_'Oh. So that's why he was running around like a maniac with that bat. I hope Agumon's okay, he hasn't said anything yet.'_

"So now I need to stay here, looking after you two when I should be at an important job interview. Do you know how much I need this job? Do you know how much _we _need this job in order to live!"

_'Aww maan, now Agumon needs to spend the rest of the night with Grey. __**And **__he's already all pissy, I can tell just from his voice. I know things are tough for them, especially after what happened to their parents, but Grey doesn't need to be such a prick about it!'_

"Do you know the danger that you put Tai in? Does _Tai_ know the danger that you put him in? I think you owe him an apology, Agumon."

_'Oh no he doesn~'t! Agumon sure gets it tight from his brother. He doesn't need to be so harsh about it. I can speak for myself, Grey! Stop being mean to your brother!'_

Grey's voice became noticeably more quiet as he continued his scolding, now a serious whisper. "Maybe next time you should think through your actions. What you did could have potentially put Tai in harms way. I would have let him stay any other night, it's not like he hasn't stayed before or that I wouldn't allow it. All you have to do is ask, Agumon. I'm your brother, what do you think I'm going to do? Eat you? No. I've said all I have to say, I'm disappointed in you. I thought we trusted each other, _especially_ after losing mum and dad. Is there anything you wish to add?"

_'Wow. Grey sure gives gruesome guilt trips. Poor Agumon. Grey's not exactly pulling any punches. I feel rotten for causing so much hassle.'_

Whilst contemplating his guilty conscience, Tai swiftly realised that he was too close to the small room they called a kitchen than normal. If they seen him being 3 paces away from the door they would assume that he had been eavesdropping. And they would be right.

_'Okay. I just need to take a few steps back. I don't want to look nosey, after all.'_

Just as Taichi moved back to an appropriate distance, the door opened and the two brothers exited. Agumon's face was one of deep melancholy, his eyes drooping to meet the floor as they were unable to meet Tai's gaze. The guilt in his eyes was undeniable. It tore the brunet apart to see him in his current state.

_'He looks... destroyed. Surely he can't have gotten so upset over my safety? Nah, maybe Grey did something I missed.'_

Diverting his attention to Grey, Tai noticed that the older brown-haired teen was eyeing him. It was almost as if he was making a decision of some sort. Just as Tai was about to give the boy a piece of his mind, he spoke.

"Tai, you can stay for the rest of the night. It's too late at night to send you home, that would be unfair. I will, however, be calling your mother first thing in the morning to tell her what has happened. I don't know if you understand how potentially dangerous you staying without supervision is. I only left Agumon on his own because I would only be gone for one night, but do you understand the situation I would have been in if something bad had happened to _you_?"

_'Oh no! My mother!'_

Tai managed a curt nod in response despite his panic, giving his best effort to look sorry. He had to make things better for Agumon, the boys heart-wrenching expression threatening to make Tai's very own eyes water over.

_'Aw hell no! There's no way he's pinning all the blame on you, Agumon!'_

Staring Agumon's brother dead in the eyes, Taichi attempted to bring his friend out of his current low. "I'm sorry, Grey. This was mostly my fault. I convinced Agumon to let me stay, even though I knew that it wouldn't necessarily be safe. I lied to my mother and I went behind your back. If anyone is to blame here it's me."

_'He still has that bat in his hands... Maybe I should have waited a while before I helped Agumon. There's still time for us to be ended.'_

Tai attempted to discern the emotions flickering away beneath Grey's face as they maintained eye-contact. The older boy studied the younger intently, Taichi's defensive behaviour piquing his curiosity.

_'He's holding that bat pretty tightly... I hope he doesn't get any ideas...'_

Time passed, and eventually Grey settled with a tired sigh and a, "Good night."

_'He left? Just like that? Yes!'_

Waiting until Grey was in his small room at the other end of the apartment, Tai approached his still sniffling friend. _'Sheesh. C'mon Agumon don't cry!' _In an attempt to cheer up his buddy, Tai slung his arm round his shoulder in a comforting gesture.

Tai's friendliness only seemed to further push the boy into his sorrowful demeanour, though, as small tears gently pattered off of the floor. "Agumon, look at me!" Turning his friend's face to meet his own, Taichi hit Agumon with one of his killer grins. "Everything is all right. Why are you crying!"

Looking into his moist green eyes, willing Agumon to be happy, Tai waited for his response.

"I-I'm so sorry Taichi! I'm so s-stupid! I should have never invited you round, I p-put you in danger! What if th-..." Agumon's long winded apology was cut short as Tai glomped him.

"Agumon! Stop this nonsense! I can think for myself. I chose to stay, I knew that Grey wouldn't be here. Why are you so concerned about my safety all of a sudden! Is it something Grey has said?" The brunet gauged the reaction he was eliciting from his friend, who still had his eyes plastered to the floor.

Unable to meet his eyes with Tai's, Agumon returned the hug that was crushing the air out of his lungs. A tiny voice was all the only vocal response that Taichi could evoke from his companion, "Thank you, Tai. Really."

The brunet's grin became more genuine as Agumon continued, his hands massaging small circles on his back. "Thank you for sticking up for me. Thank you for taking some of the blame. I don't know why you did it, and I don't deserve it, but thank you. Thank you for being here, Tai."

Slightly startled by Agumon's intense thanks, Taichi began pulling him towards the small bedroom. "What are friends for?"

At first, Agumon just stood there, frozen to the spot as the brunet attempted to lead him back. _'Why does he keep doing that! Did I do something wrong? Nah, he must be tired.'_

Several small tugs and nudges later and they were both back in the room, Agumon still loitering around aimlessly. _'What is up with him? He better stop worrying about whatever it is.'_

In an attempt to try and lull Agumon back into communicating rather than standing dazed, he returned the sock that been lost earlier. "Here you go, don't wanna get cold, do ya?"

Agumon looked at Tai, then the sock, then Tai again. He almost looked fragile as he claimed the sock from Taichi's hands and put it on. To an outsider the brunet's grin would appear to be unnerving him.

_'Wow, he's really beating himself up over this, isn't he?' _In another attempt to mollify his friend, Tai jumped into the bed and called over to his friend, "Are you just going to stand there and freeze? C'mon in, it's warm!"

A few waves into the dark of the room and a few pats of the bed were all that was necessary to convince Agumon to escape the bitter cold. _'At least he's **kind of **responsive.'_

Tai noticed that something was off as Agumon lay in the bed. He was quiet. Too quiet. He wanted to reach out to the boy but something inside of him made him stay still. A small voice in the recess of his mind told him that it would be best to leave Agumon alone. So he did. For a while.

_'Okay. This is too creepy, he's never **this **silent. It's so unlike him. Maybe I should just leave him to his own thoughts for a while.'_

Minutes passed, Taichi couldn't sleep. Agumon's state was bothering him. Just as he was about to give up on understanding what was wrong with the red-haired child, he began shivering.

_'What is **up** with him! I hope he's not ill or anything like that. Perhaps I should ask him.'_

The small voice of protest started up in Tai's mind again, trying to convince him that he should leave Agumon alone.

_'No. I can't leave him like this, there's clearly a problem here that needs to be resolved and I'm just the one to do it!'_

"Agumon?" The brunet's voice was light, almost sing-song in nature as he called out to the other – shaking – boy. "Agumon what's up? Talk to me, that's what I'm here for."

No response, just more shivers.

Disobeying his inner voice, Taichi reached out to Agumon, placing a firm and steady hand on his shoulder. The shivering stopped.

_'Ok, so now I know for sure he's not having some sort of seizure. That's a start, I suppose.'_

The brunet became puzzled as he removed his hand from his friend's shoulder. The shaking started again.

He put his hand back. It stopped.

He took his hand off. It started.

_'This is weird. I hope I haven't done anything to do this to him. I hope Grey wasn't super annoyed at Agumon. Did he hurt him? Did he threaten him?'_

Shuffling closer to his friend, Tai spoke again in his soft voice, "Agumon what's wrong? I'm really starting to get worried. Please talk to me."

Just as he was about to get out of bed and fetch Grey to make sure nothing serious was wrong, Agumon spoke, "Can't sleep."

_'He speaks! What's wrong with you, Agumon? You can tell me anything.'_

"Neither can I."

The silence that enveloped the room was astounding.

"Do you need a hug, Agumon? You've gotta tell me what's bothering you. Did Grey do something?"

Still no response.

Yet again going against his instincts, Tai closed in on his friend, pulling him into a warm and close embrace. The gesture must have done it's job, however, as a bone-shuddering sigh echoed throughout the room.

Agumon stopped shaking and shivering. Tai's closeness calmed him, it consoled him.

Tai tried asking again, the seriousness in his voice unmistakeable, "Did Grey do something to you, Agumon? I swear if h-..."

"N-no. It's nothing like that, I promise." Agumon's voice was weak, almost inaudible as he spoke.

_'Thank goodness, maybe we can have an actual conversation now.'_

"Is there something bothering you? Is _someone_ bothering you? Do you want to talk about it?"

"Well, actu-... I suppo... Nevermind."

Taichi wasn't exactly smart, but he was by no means stupid, either. He was intelligent enough to identify the indecision within his friend's voice. Although his instincts were telling him not to, he decided to further press the matter.

Holding Agumon tighter to him, the brunet tried to coax the other out of shyness, "It helps to talk things like this through. If you can't talk to your best friend then who _can _you talk to? I'm here to listen, not to judge. You should know that, Agumon."

Tai almost thought he heard a small sob as he held the other boy, now pushed completely against him – almost spooning him. _'Wow, he must be bottling everything up if he's like this.'_

Agumon didn't reply though, which prompted Taichi to make a final push. He finally felt like he was making progress.

"What is it! Is it Grey? Is it your past? Is it school?" A small sniffle gave Tai an indication on where he should continue, "It's school, isn't it?"

Tai could feel Agumon nod. He had a sneaking suspicion that he already knew what had the red-head in such a state. "Is it because you think I'm going to move school? Agumon, I'm not moving to that stupid ChoZenWun high-school. I'm sure if you help me we can convince my mother that she is crazy."

No response.

"That's it, isn't it?"

"K-kind of."

"So are you worried about me or are you worried about school?"

"Kind of both, I suppose."

Tai's grip tightened on Agumon as he spoke into his ear, "I'm not going anywhere. No worries!" There was a moment of quietness before he continued, "So what else about school is bothering you? Are you being picked on?"

The brunet could feel Agumon tense as he spoke, "Well, it's complicated. There's some things that have been... bothering me for a while now. And with you leaving and all..."

"I'm _not _leaving!" The loudness of Tai's voice caused Agumon to jump, making the brunet regret his actions immediately. "I'm sorry, Agumon. I just want you to understand that I'm never going to abandon you, _E-V-E-R_. Do you understand? We're too good of friends for me to just leave!"

A small and outright sad, "Mm-hmm" was the response that Tai got. "But... never mind..." Agumon's voice faded into silence as he failed to elaborate. Tai wasn't going to let the subject drop, though.

"Tell me. If you keep everything bottled up inside you're going to end up becoming ill or something. Talk to me about what bothers you, what is it about school that has you in such a state?" Taichi's voice was level and stern as he spoke, his desire to help his friend overriding the voice within his head that was still telling him to leave him alone.

"It's... I... Have you... Do y-... Is there anyone at school that you like?" Agumon's words stumbled as he spoke, the intensity and audible trepidation of the question grabbing Tai's attention.

Clarifying his friend's question, Taichi responded. "Like, _like _like?"

"Er... Yeah..." _'What an odd question. What's up with him? Does he have his first crush or something?"_

"Yup," was the brunet's abrupt response.

"Who?" Tai could sense the complex number of emotions behind the question, the sheer number of them making it difficult to decipher the loaded question. _'Okay, so he's still afraid for some reason, then there's his random sad attitude, and now he's hitting me with freaky questions. I don't know what it is that's __**really **__troubling him, but I guess this is the best way to find out.'_

"You know that brown-haired girl? The one that always wears that blue hat and has the pink bird doll with her all the time?"

"Sora." Agumon's voice almost sounded defeated, but that couldn't have been it. The coldness and detachment of his voice was apparent, but he also sounded, _'Cold much?'_

"Yep. Why'd you ask?"

"I'm going to be completely honest with you here, Taichi. Sora is a simple-minded fool who cares for no one but herself." _'Wow, something has really got him riled up, what has he got against Sora! Sora's nice... Isn't she?'_

Unsure how to respond, Tai settled for, "Hm. Still, why did you want to know? Is Sora bothering you or something?"

"It's just... How can... You know... Have you ever... had an, e-erm, dream?" The frustration in his voice was clear, it must be something serious if _Agumon_ was having difficulty expressing himself.

_'Does he mean?.. As in?.. Wow he's deadly serious, too.'_

"E-erm... Yeah... Not about Sora but... Yeah..." _'Wow this conversation is getting pretty awkward pretty fast. _"What about, em, you? Any, um, dreams?"

Taichi could feel Agumon's heart-rate quicken through his orange pyjama top. "W-well... Kind of... Wait, not about S-Sora! E-every... Yeah... Mhmm" _'Okayyy... Definitely getting weird now.'_

"So is there, em, a _person_ that is in these, erm, dreams? Is this why you were behaving so oddly earlier?" Tai could feel the red-head's temperature rise as he spoke, the embarrassing topic of conversation most likely making him feel uncomfortable.

"W-w-well... N-not really... I mean, I suppose... B-but... Yes." _'Jeez this sudden stutter is really unlike him. Where is the real Agumon? Don't tell me he's been lugging all this mental baggage with him for ages!'_

"So _you _like someone, too?" _'Ok. Lets just try to keep this simple. Simple questions, simple answers.'_

Tai could feel Agumon shift beneath him, the current topic clearly making both of them – but mostly Agumon – feel uncomfortable. "Well I-I don't really... It depends if... Yes." _'Now we're getting somewhere! Let it all out, Agumon.'_

"And you have these 'dreams' about this person?"

Agumon, apparently beyond the stuttering and nervous stage, replied with a weighty sigh and a, "Yes."

"Are you gonna tell me who ya like?" Tai was growing slightly weary of the ask a question get an answer scenario. He needed to start asking some _real_ questions before he fell asleep.

"W-well... I d-dont know if... Maybe if... Really, I..." Agumon took in a sharp breath, his breathing pattern laborious and unpredictable.

_'Aww c'mon Agumon! Some time today!'_

"So what? You like this person? Is it Sora? What's the big problem here? I've already told you that you can tell me anything! Seriously!"

Another emotion filled sigh was all Tai got in reponse. _'Okay, maybe I'm being too harsh, maybe I should joke it off.'_

"Hah. So what is it, Agumon? You gay or something? Pfft."

Agumon froze, his breathing stopping dead in it's tracks.

_'Oh shit.'_

Silence filled the room as Taichi released his hold on the red-head, shuffling away so that he was no longer spooning him. _'No. Fucking. Way!'_

"Agumon. Are. You. _Gay_?" Tai's deadpan voice bounced around the room, the detachment and coldness in his voice painfully apparent.

Agumon just lay there, quivering yet again as the brunet's voice cut through him. This was the kind of reaction that he was hoping, no, _praying_ to avoid. He managed an extremely quiet and emotional, "I-I think I like a boy, Tai."

_'Agumon likes boy's? Agumon has erotic dreams about boys? Agumon is **gay**?'_

It took Taichi a long moment to process what the shaking child had said.

_'No. Agumon likes **one** boy. Agumon has erotic dreams about **one **boy. Agumon is gay for **one **boy. Surely it doesn't mean anything? Surely it's just a phase or something! Agumon **can't **be **gay**, even if it is for only **one** other sleaze-ball.'_

"T-Taichi? Am I-I?... Do you?... O-okay?" The pain in his voice was tremendous, he had clearly just released a load of pent up feelings and thoughts.

Tai felt like he was about to explode. It was too much information to take in. _'But... Agumon can't be gay? Agumon's my friend? We were hugging and touching and close and stuff... Was he __**using **__me!'_

The mass of thoughts and possibilities circulating throughout his mind did nothing to help Taichi construct a comprehensive response. "Agumon?... Who?...' He almost sounded drunken as he spoke, the words slurring from his lips.

_'I think... I think I might be able to cope. I might be able to cope if it's someone respectable he likes. In fact, maybe I'm blowing this whole situation out of proportion, I suppose I should be there for him. As long as it's not m-...'_

"You."

There was a moment, a short moment, when both of their eyes locked. Tai's hardened brown eyes met with Agumon's shattered green ones. It was at that moment, as Tai began launching himself off of the bed, that the brunet wished that he had listened to that voice in his head.

He wished that he hadn't found out that Agumon was gay.

He wished that he hadn't found out that Agumon liked him.

He wished that he could stop conjuring up images of Agumon doing _things _with other boys – doing things with _him!_

He wished that he didn't have his body pressed against Agumon's earlier.

He wished that things stayed the way they were.

He wished that he could go back in time.

He wished that he could cleanse himself of the homosexuality that went by the name of Agumon.

None of his wishes mattered, though, as there was nothing he could do. There was no words that he could use, no gestures that he could give, no reassurance that he could spare.

He was no longer friends with _gay _Agumon.

Tai felt dirty as he hit the floor, undesirable thoughts riddling his mind. Agumon had dreamt of doing things to him. Agumon had been sexually stimulated dreaming about him. Agumon was a corrupt and disgusting human being.

Scrambling over to the corner of the room, the brunet thought with loathing the things that Agumon had envisioned. They had _slept _together, they had been close to one another, they had been friends. Agumon had tricked him.

Agumon was a wrong, perverse being. At least in Tai's opinion.

Despite all of his sudden detestation for his previously best friend, Tai still managed to cry. His tears flowed freely from his melting chocolate eyes. He cried for the friendship that he just _knew _was over. He cried for being the object of what he thought was another male's lust filled dreams. He also cried for another unknown reason, a reason that he would only understand as he aged and matured; He cried for betraying his best friend.

Looking to Agumon, he noticed the state that _he_ was in. His face looked shredded, an innumerable number of emotions on display all over his face. That was after Taichi had difficulty seeing through the torrent of tears pouring from his ex-friend's emerald eyes. The boy looked outright destroyed. And he was right to be so, considering the one he "liked", his best friend had just shunned him for what he was.

But he couldn't be angry at him, no. This was all Agumon's own fault, somehow. Tai was innocent. Tai was pure. Tai was straight.

Agumon had hoped for a better outcome, in fact, he hoped for any other outcome than the one that unfolded. He didn't expect Tai to return his feelings, that would be unfair. He didn't expect Tai to accept him, that would be selfish. He didn't expect Tai to understand him, that would be irrational. But Agumon _did_, however, expect Tai _not_ to reject him. They were best friends for years, he had promised that he would listen. He didn't expect him to launch himself to the opposite end of the room, recoiling in distaste.

So there sat a crushed Agumon and a traumatised Taichi. A reject and a traitor.

That night changed everything for both of them. Tai avoided Agumon constantly, moving to ChoZenOne high-school and eventually completely losing contact with the other red-haired teen. Neither of them spoke of the incident that had occurred, in fact, neither of them had even spoke to each other at all despite how much it hurt both of them – especially Agumon.

They went their separate ways, Taichi living his life and Agumon his. Two previous best friends torn apart by a non-acceptance of sexuality. Taichi became the compassionate and guilty being he is now. As for Agumon, nobody but him and Grey know what happened or where they are.

_**-End Flashback-**_

_'I. Was. Such. A. Fucking. Unaccepting. Homophobic. Traitorous. Prick.'_

Tai lay spooned together with Koushirou, the anger of his past idiocy causing him to grind his teeth together and clench his fists. _'How could I be such an asshole! What the fuck was running though my mind!'_

In a weak attempt to remain calm, the brunet shut his leaking brown eyes closed. _'I wonder how you are right now, Agumon? I hope you're okay. I hope you found yourself a boyfriend or even just a friend that could do what I could not. You deserve someone that won't abandon you. You deserve someone that's __**not**__ like me.'_

_'I promise I won't betray you, Koushirou. I promise I won't do to you what I did to Agumon. Never.'_

Time passed, and Taichi's anger subsided. He allowed himself to be lost within the warmth of Koushirou as he slowly joined him in a deep sleep. The pain of remembering Agumon was too much, but it had to be done.

He had to apologise one day. He had to make it up to Agumon.

* * *

_**Author Note: **__Now __**that**__ was an ordeal! I'm sorry guys and gals, but the next chapter may take a month.. or two.. School comes first :[. How did you like my little Agumon and my Grey :D? Did you like Tai's point of view? Do you want more from Tai's point of view? Was it realistic enough? Let me know via review or otherwise. Any and all constructive criticism is appreciated.. Rabid reviews saying how awesome I am are also accepted ;]  
_

Time for _me _to sleep,

~shmoo~


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